lot has changed
in the two years since I wrote
the above quote about
the excruciating pain of
endometriosis and the
emotional fallout of infertility. The good:
Miraculously, I was able to get pregnant,
and now have a healthy, beautiful little boy.
The bad: Back then I also shared that it was
“uncomfortable to explain to your boss as a
reason you’ve missed work. But women
need to speak up.” What I couldn’t say was
that almost a year earlier, not long after
I had emergency surgery to save my uterus,
I had filed a lawsuit against my then
employer, Fox News Channel, for gender
and disability discrimination.
The month my Good Housekeeping article
hit newsstands was an emotional roller
coaster: I was ecstatic to learn that I was
pregnant despite having believed it would
never happen for me — but also desperately
worried that the stress of my legal battle
would harm my unborn child. I decided for
my own health and that of my new baby that
it was best to settle quickly with the television
network. To do that, I was required to sign a
nondisclosure agreement. This NDA prohibits
me to this day from discussing my job and the
details of my lawsuit publicly. I am not allowed
to tell you anything about my own work at
Fox News. That has kept me from using my
full story to help women, and looking back,
had I not felt pressure to wrap things up and
move on so I could focus on my baby, I might
have taken the case to trial.
The truth is, no matter what is happening
in your personal life, dealing with workplace
discrimination shifts you into high-anxiety
mode. Taking the time to make well-thought-
out decisions seems impossible. And even
when you think you are doing everything
right, the odds are stacked against you. The#MeToo movement gathered momentum
because publicly outing their harassers was
the only recourse women in Hollywood
had. Turns out this isn’t just an issue in the
entertainment industry: In a GH poll of
5,000 women, 48% said they or a woman
they knew had experienced gender
discrimination in the workplace; 46% said
the same about sexual harassment.
So I spoke with experts on the topic and
got this advice on how women can achieve
better outcomes.
Doubting yourself is normal—
start Documenting anyway.
“It is human nature for a woman who is
being abused — whether in the workplace or
anywhere — to put herself through several
mental exercises before accepting that what
is going on is in fact abuse,” says women’s
rights attorney Tamara Holder. “A common
diversion tactic is attempting to laugh it off.
Then we engage in denial. Then there is fear
of confronting the abuser or the employer,
because what if it is a joke — which it rarely is.”
The bottom line: If something feels eventhe slightest bit wrong, start keeping a
record of the behavior. Discrimination won’t
always be a clearly offensive remark. It could
be getting subtly denied work opportunities
because of gender stereotypes (“a mom
won’t want to do business travel”) or being
iced out of meetings in favor of male peers.
The sooner you start tracking questionable
conduct, the sooner you will be able to come
to terms with the fact that the behavior is
wrong — and you will also be prepared to
present your case.
“Preserve any information that might
suddenly be inaccessible if you were fired,”
she recommends. “Make sure you get
possession of the company handbook. Make
copies of emails that discuss HR policies
and from the person or people you believe
discriminated against you. A time line written
when the harassment is happening is like a
diary and can be invaluable.”
One of Holder’s clients was unsure at first
what to make of her boss’s behavior. “She
was new on the job and thought he was just
‘joking’ with her in an attempt to make her
comfortable. It took her a couple of months
to come to grips with it and then to start
documenting everything in detail. Once
she told him to stop, he began to engage
in retaliatory tactics,” Holder says. Had
the woman not already been tracking the
harassment, it might have been too late to
gather enough evidence to refute his claims.
“It was her saving grace,” Holder adds.
Talk to a lawyer before HR.
So now you have proof. You’re not alone if
the obvious next step seems to be taking
it to a higher-up who can resolve the
situation. An overwhelming 87% of the
women we polled said their human
resources departments definitely or maybe
would act in their best interests if they were
discriminated against at work.
Not so fast, says Alexander W. Leonard,
a New York City–based employment lawyer.
“Just know and remember that HR is on
the employer’s side, regardless of how
empathetic the HR person may appear,” he
says. Once you file a complaint, the company
starts preparing for a potential legal claim,
and “anything you said could be twisted, and
not in your favor,” says Holder.
An employment lawyer can advise
you on what to say, and “it can also be
beneficial, from a psychological standpoint,
to have someone in your corner when you
are dealing with a deeply personal issue
all alone,” says Leonard. That’s another
thing about going to HR — there is no
Diana cofounded Lift Our
Vo ices to help end the use of
nondisclosure agreements.“I’m ambitious AND I WORK
IN A COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT;
I DIDN’T WANT TO
appear vulnerable,
SO I KEPT UP A strong facade
DURING THE DAY, THEN WENT HOME
to cry it out at night.”
— Diana Falzone, March 2018, Good HousekeepingA
Discover re ort
66 GH APRIL 2020
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