Proust Questionnaire
products, and the odd cannoli here and there. What is your
favorite journey? The one I’m having. What do you consider
the most overrated virtue? Chastity. ’Cause whose version
of chastity is it? Who gets to decide? What are your favorite
names? Domenica (that’s my mother’s real name), Sparkle (my
old dog), Declyn, David. Now, I can say Cynthia. At rst I didn’t
like Cynthia until my mother explained why she named me
that. It was after the English goddess of the moon. How can you
go wrong with that? What do you dislike most about your
appearance? I don’t dislike my appearance; I work hard on it.
What is your biggest regret? That bag of Peanut M&M’s that
I opened from the minibar. What or who is the greatest love of
your life? My guardian angel, who must have received a Purple
Heart by now, my husband, and my son. When and where were
you happiest? When I can sing really high, strong, and clear. In
that one moment, it’s like heaven. What is your current state
of mind? Sunny with a chance of rain. If you could change one
thing about yourself, what would it be? I’ve constantly been
changing myself my whole life. I am what you would call
“a piece of work” in progress. If you were to die and come back
as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? A woman
again, of course. What is your most treasured possession?
My voice. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Losing my voice. Where would you like to live? Home. I’m
never there enough. Who are your favorite writers? The
Brontë sisters, and I love Maya Angelou, Alice Walker, Lisa See,
Haruki Murakami, Patti Smith, and Charles Dickens. Who is
your favorite hero of ction? Aunt Betsey Trotwood. Who
are your heroes in real life? Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan,
Mary Church Terrell, Ida B. Wells, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa
Parks, Shirley Chisholm, Coco Chanel, Billie Holiday, Joni
Mitchell, David Bowie, oh and Gloria Gaynor for singing “I Will
Survive.” Thank you! What is it that you most dislike? It’s
not their fault, but rats. How would you like to die? I wouldn’t!
What is your motto? Go forth and kick ass—some words
of wisdom from my fourth-grade teacher, Mrs. Manson. QWhat is your idea of perfect happiness? Long walks with my
husband. Being with my family. Making music, and writing when
songs just fall together. And maybe a cannoli. Just one. What is
your greatest fear? A world where greed rules. Which historical
gure do you most identify with? Boudicca. Which living
person do you most admire? Aside from my mom, my husband,
and my mother-in-law, Gloria Steinem, Dorothy Pitman Hughes,
and RBG. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I cut people o a lot when I talk. It’s a terrible habit. What is the
trait you most deplore in others? Two-faced phony-baloneys.
What is your greatest extravagance? My family, Tracie Martyn
CYNDI LAUPER
On chastity, greed,
and the joy of
the perfect cannoli
124 VANITY FAIR ILLUSTRATION BY RISKO APRIL 2020