130 / /June 2019
weekend
warriorMARTYN
BRUNT
Martynis tri’s
foremostaverage
athleteandis
livingproofthat
hoursoftraining
andendless
newkitareno
substitute
for ability.Thehistoryofsportis litteredwithfiercerivalriesbutnone
more so than triathletes vs runners. Brunt has the answer...IRONMAN VS ULTRA
Disagreementsaboutwhich
isharder- anIronmanoran
ultra–haveragedforyears,with
ultrarunnersclaimingthatan
Ironmanmustbea doddlebecause
ofthehighfinisherrate,while
triathletesclaimit’sbecauseyou
havetotrainyourexternalbodyparts
offjusttogettothestartlinewhen
allultrasneedtodois turnupwith
a flapjackanda fiver.
Thisisn’tanargumentI’ve
everfeltqualifiedto
participateinbecauseI’ve
neverdoneanultra– until
now.Yes,asI writethismy
feetresemblea pairof
napalmedrats,thanksto
havingjustcompletedthe40-
mile‘CoventryWay’run,which
takesplaceonfootpathsalltheway
aroundtheoutsideofmyhometown.
Therearesomesimilarities
betweenironsandultras– bothsets
ofathletesenjoyweeingoutdoors
andtendtofinishwithouta carein
theworld,whichis oneoftheside
effectsofbeingsemi-comatosed–
but these are far outweighed by theirdifferences,whichI thoughtI would
highlightforyoubeforereachingmy
conclusionaboutwhichis hardest:01
Inironeventsyoualwaysfeel
likeyou’restillinthesamerace
astheleaderseventhoughyoumight
bemilesbehind.AtIronman
LanzaroteI rememberrunningpast
thewinnerreceivingtheirprizeon
thepodiumwhileI stillhadtwolaps
togo.Meanwhile,attheultraI
wasn’teveninthesame
postcodeasthewinner
whentheyfinished.02
Botheventstakeyou
tosomespectacular
placeswithamazingscenery,
howeveratultrasyouactuallygetto
seetheviewswhereasinironraces
allyouseeis thefourfeetoftarmac
justaheadofyourfrontwheel.03
There’sa lotmorefaffing
aboutinanIronman.Notonly
doyouhavetoregister,attachhighly
adhesivestickerstoyourselfand
everythingyouown,packyourkit
bags,unpackthem,repackthem,
unpackthemagain,repackthem
again,makeunnecessary
adjustmentstoyourbike,rackyour
bike,prepareyourdrinks,fightyour
wayintoyourwetsuitandthen
suddenly have to find a toilet, but youhavetogettheretoo,withthe
journeyofteninvolvingbikeboxes,
reassemblingyourbikewithmini
Allenkeys,andtryingtoborrow
someone’strackpumpbecause
you’veforgottenyours.Atthe
ultra,I wanderedintothestarttent
andtheysaid,“Doyouwanttogo
now?”I said“Okay”.And they said,
“Right,offyougo.”04
InanIronman,there’sa lotof
supportoutthereforyou;in
anultra,you’remostlyonyourown.
Therearecheckpointsmasquerading
asfoodanddrinkstations,buttheir
realpurposeis tomakeyoustressout
aboutcut-offtimes,andI was
handeda printedbookletofthe
coursewithmapsthathadevidently
beendrawnonanEtchA Sketch.But
if yougetlost,runoutofdrink,copan
injuryorneedtoanswerthecallof
nature,thegeneralconsensusis that
youshouldsortyourselfout.05
Inultras,yougeta morevaried
diet.OnmyrunI enjoyed
soup,teaandsandwichesinaddition
totheusualfareofbananas,jelly
babiesandgels,andmyslowerspeed
meantI wasabletogetmostofthis
intomymouthasopposedtoallover
mychin,hands,skinsuitand
handlebartape.Thisvarietywas
muchappreciatedbymyfellow
competitorsbecausetoomuchsweet
stufftendstounsettlemystomach.I enjoyedrunningtheultrabutI’m
notsureI’llmakea habitofit,as
I’macutelyawarethattheonlytime
I’llevershineatrunningis if I crash
intoa radioactivetruck.Sothis
bringsustothecrunch– whichis
harder?Well,giventhisis theworld’s
leadingtrimagazineyoumightthink
I’dinevitablyleantowardsIronman
lestI endupoffendingeveryone
andhavetogointohidinginthe
Ecuadorianembassy,nowthere’s
a spareroom.Butjudgingbythe
multitudeofIronmanT-shirts
onshow,halfofthepeopledoing
theultraweretriathletesanyway,
soI’mgoingtosaythat the hardest
is... swimming.“Bothsets of athletes enjoy
weeing outdoors and tend to
finish semi-comatosed”
DANIEL SEEX