Real Communication An Introduction

70 Part 1  Basic Communication Processes

c Reinforcing information can help us become competent listeners. We might

take notes or simply repeat the information to confirm our comprehension.

c Withholding information or opinions may be appropriate in some situations.

For example, you may withhold your opposition to your manager’s plan

because you want to keep your job. Or you may elect not to reveal a piece of

information that might embarrass a friend.

Together, these four skills form the basis of the informational competency that

we use to communicate throughout our lives.

Using Language to Express Feelings

Poets, writers, and lyricists are celebrated for using language to capture and express

emotions. But most expressions of feelings are less elaborately composed than a

Shakespearean sonnet or an angry protest song. In everyday conversation and corre-

spondence, we use language to send messages to others expressing how we feel about

ourselves, them, or the situation. Young children can say, “I’m sad,” and cry or laugh

to communicate feelings. As you mature, you learn how to express a more complex

set of emotions—liking, love, respect, empathy, hostility, and pride—and you may

even intensify emotion by using words like obsessed rather than love/like (Goodman,

2013).The functional competency of expressing feeling is primarily relational: you let

people know how much you value (or don’t value) them by the emotions you express.

We all use language to express our feelings, but to be competent, we must do so

appropriately and effectively. Many people don’t communicate their emotions well.

For example, Elliot expresses frustration with his staff by yelling at them; his staff

responds by mocking Elliot at a local pub after work. Instead, Elliot could have said,

“I’m worried that we’re not going to make the deadline on this project”; someone

on his staff could have said, “I’m feeling tense about making the deadline, too, but

I’m also confused about why you yelled at me.” Sometimes, appropriate and effective

communication means avoiding expressing feelings that we consider inappropriate

or risky in a given situation (Burleson, Holmstrom, & Gilstrap, 2005). For example,

CONNECT

Using language to express
feelings competently can
be a powerful addition to
your communication skills
in a variety of settings. In
a small group (Chapter 9),
you might need to express
your frustration with the
fact that you’re doing most
of the work. In an organi-
zation (Chapter 11), you
might save your company
time and money by
effectively sharing your
concerns about a project.

WE’VE ALL BEEN
THERE: a tourist asks you
for directions and you mutter,
“Um, yeah, you go a little bit
up this way and turn around
that way... .” © Zero Creatives/
Image Source/Corbis