Chapter 4 Nonverbal Communication 113Clearly, touch powerfully affects our relationships. It is one factor related
to sustained liking in healthy marriages (Hinkle, 1999). Our reassuring touch
also lets our friends know that we care and serves to regulate social interactions,
as when beginning or ending an interaction with a handshake. However, not all
touch is positive. Bullying behaviors like kicking, punching, hitting, and poking
are inappropriate forms of touch, unless inside a boxing ring.
Gauging the appropriate amount of touch for a given situation or relationship
is also critical for communication. For example, dating partners usually expect
touch, but someone who wants “too much” (such as constant hand-holding) can
be perceived as needy or clingy. Withholding touch communicates a message of
disinterest or dislike, which can damage a relationship, whether with a friend,
a romantic partner, or a colleague. Obviously, it’s important to adjust touch to
individual expectations and needs (and culture, as we explain later in the chapter).
Time Orientation
Imagine you’re late for a job interview. If you are the interviewee, you’ve prob-
ably lost the job before you have a chance to say a word—your lateness sends a
message to the employer that you don’t value punctuality and his or her time. If
you are the interviewer, however, it can be completely acceptable for you to keep
the interviewee waiting. In fact, by making the person wait, you assert your sta-
tus by clearly conveying that you have control.
Chronemics is the use of time in nonverbal communication—the ways
that you perceive and value time, structure your time, and react to time. Your
time orientation—your personal associations with the use of time—determines
the importance you give to conversation content, the length or urgency of the
interaction, and punctuality (Burgoon et al., 1989). For example, when you
are invited to someone’s home in the United States for dinner, it’s acceptable to
arrive about ten minutes after the time suggested. It shows consideration for your
host not to arrive too early or too late (and possibly ruin the dinner). Similarly,
spending time with others communicates concern and interest. For example,
good friends will make plans to spend time together even when it’s inconvenient.
In our personal lives, deciding the timing of a message can be tricky. How
long do you wait after you’ve met someone to send that person a Facebook friend
request or an invitation to connect professionally on LinkedIn? How long do
you wait to text or call someone you met at a party to see if he or she might
want to go out on a date? Right after you’ve left the party may seem too eager,
but a week later may suggest you’re not really interested. Research shows that we
do use people’s response rate (how quickly they return e-mails, texts, etc.) as an
indication of interest and immediacy, but the situation and context also make a
difference (Döring & Pöschl, 2009; Kalman & Rafaeli, 2011; Kalman, Ravid,
Raban, & Rafaeli, 2006; Ledbetter, 2008).
Influences on Nonverbal Communication
Pick any individual nonverbal behavior—let’s say a kiss. A kiss can mean lots of
different things in different places, between different people in different situa-
tions. A kiss is a friendly manner of greeting between the sexes and with friends
What kind of message does
it send if you are habitually
late to class? What about
showing up late to work? On
the other hand, what kind of
message is sent by showing
up early for a party or to pick
up a date?AND YOU?
CONNECT
Are you punctual or habitu-
ally tardy? Do you evalu-
ate others on their use of
time? Does it vary when
you are in friendship situ-
ations versus professional
situations? In Appendix A
we illustrate the ways to
prepare for an interview
so that your use of time is
viewed positively.