162 Part 1 Basic Communication Processesmuch information to disclose to them and when. Empathic listening helps man-
age the emotions of people confronting adverse events and can help uncover
erroneous assumptions contributing to their anxieties (Iedema, Jorm, Wakefield,
Ryan, & Sorensen, 2009; Rehling, 2008). As a bonus, when health care provid-
ers listen empathically, not only do they help patients reduce anxiety, but also
their patients are more satisfied and compliant with treatments (Davis, Foley,
Crigger, & Brannigan, 2008).
When you listen empathically, it’s helpful to paraphrase the thoughts and
feelings being expressed. Paraphrasing involves guessing at feelings and rephras-
ing (not repeating) what you think the speaker has said. Empathic listening rec-
ognizes and elaborates on others’ feelings, giving them some degree of legitimacy
without suggesting an answer or solution (Fent & MacGeorge, 2006; Shotter,
2009). Just remember not to overdo paraphrasing; not only does the conver-
sation become awkward, but also the other person may feel ridiculed (Weger,
Castle, & Emmett, 2010).Appreciative Listening
You use appreciative listening to take pleasure in sounds. Listening to music,
poetry, narrations, comedy routines, plays, movies, and television shows all qualify
as appreciative listening goals (Christenson, 1994). Some people find this type of
listening so important that they schedule time to do it—that’s why we buy tickets
to concerts and other performances or tell our family members to not bother us
when The Voice is on. Appreciative listening can also help relieve stress, unclutter
the mind, and refresh our senses. We can’t help but wonder if this is why credit
card and health insurance companies play classical music while they keep callers
on hold for twenty minutes—not that it keeps most of us from being irritated.
Table 6.1 (p.160) offers ideas for accomplishing each of the four listening
goals discussed in this section. Yet we all know that competent listening doesn’t
happen easily, as the following listening challenges illustrate.Listening Challenges
Maybe you grew up watching and reading about Thomas the Train and his
friends; maybe you’re a parent enjoying the gang’s antics with your preschooler
right now. If so, then you know that Thomas and company often have a lot of
trouble listening. Thomas gets overexcited about his assignments and ignores
essential instructions in his attempts to prove himself independent and “really
useful.” Gordon and Spencer tend to be overconfident and believe that giving
orders makes them seem important, so they devalue the voices of their friends.
And Toby is sometimes intimidated by the others (particularly Belle) and shrinks
away quietly, before they’re even done talking.
Much like these fictional trains, we all fail to listen effectively at times—
despite the established benefits of listening well. We may find ourselves unable to
listen to someone or something that we find boring. We may have trouble focus-
ing when we have a lot on our mind, are in a rush, or are coming down with a
cold. We may want to be supportive, but we feel we have heard the same com-
plaint a hundred times. In this section, we discuss listening barriers, factors thatWhom do you call when
you have exciting news or
when you’re feeling down?
What makes this person
a good listener? Are you
a good listener in return
when this person calls you?AND YOU?
CONNECT
Empathic listening relies
on appropriate nonverbal
communication (Chapter 4).
In addition to paraphras-
ing messages, you let your
partner know you’re listen-
ing by leaning in, nodding,
and making eye contact.
Your tone of voice and your
vocalizations—like the sup-
porting “mmm-hmm”—also
show empathy. The com-
bined effect of your verbal
and nonverbal messages
tells your partner that you
care.