Chapter 6 Listening 171THINK
ABOUT
THIS❶ Should you tell Jamie
the truth? Is it ethical to
hide your true feelings
from a friend? What might
happen if you just say,
“I’m embarrassed to say
that I’m feeling a bit jeal-
ous. I’m feeling bummed
about my own love life,
and I miss having you as
my similarly single friend”?
❷ What are Jamie’s ethical
responsibilities here? Has
your friend been listening
to you? Should Jamie have
been able to sense your
sensitivity about the situ-
ation from the way you’ve
responded?
❸ What kinds of unethical
listening behaviors might be
at work here? Are you avoid-
ing? Is Jamie ambushing?Listening When You’re Sick of Hearing
You were happy to lend your friend Jamie a sympathetic ear as Jamie worked
through a difficult breakup earlier this year. You were by Jamie’s side when her
fiancé moved out; you took care of letting friends know that the romance had
ended so she wouldn’t have to go through the pain of telling them herself. You
even served as a go-between for her and her ex as they sorted through untan-
gling their lives—helping sort through paperwork and forwarding mail for her.
And, of course, as a single person yourself, you were there to empathize as
Jamie faced the prospect of heading back into the dating world. You agreed to
be each other’s date when attending parties with all of your coupled-up friends
and made plans to check out a speed-dating party together as sort of a gag.
But now, only eight months after the breakup, Jamie is in the throes
of a new romance with an attractive coworker. You can’t help but feel a bit
jealous—you’ve been single for more than three years; it doesn’t seem fair
that Jamie should find love so quickly. What’s worse is that Jamie insists on
spending as much time as possible with this new love—often at the expense
of time with you. You want to support and be happy for your friend, but you’re
finding it very difficult to listen to discussions about day hikes and movie
nights and sports outings. You find yourself continually avoiding the subject of
dating, and as a result, you notice that Jamie seems less interested in talking
to you. Somewhat relieved, you start to avoid talking to Jamie at all. You’re
not all that surprised when Jamie suddenly asks you why you’re mad. But you
don’t really know what to say. You know why you’re avoiding your friend, but
you’re sort of embarrassed about your reasons. What should you say?EVALUATINGCOMMUNICATIONETHICS
by context (Bommelje, Houston, & Smither, 2003). In this section, we examine
the ways in which the context of communication influences listening.
The Relational and Situational Listening Contexts
Imagine that you’re a shy, introverted person, standing in a crowd of people at a
party. You positively hate events like this, vastly preferring interpersonal or very
small group activities. Your friend Yvonne asked you to come here, but, as usual,
she is late. (You’ve stopped going to the movies with Yvonne since it’s pointless
to pay $12 for a ticket when you’ll miss the first half hour of the film.) Suddenly,
Yvonne calls you and begins a hasty explanation: “I’m sorry I’m late, but... .”
You may hear Yvonne’s excuse, but are you listening?
The situation we’re in and the relationship we have with other communica-
tors at any given time have a profound effect on our communication. When
you’re in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable place or at a formal event (such as a
funeral, a wedding, or a professional conference), you may experience the sort of
listening apprehension that we discussed earlier. And in some situations, such as
a party, background noise can make it hard for you to listen. We’ve all been in a