Real Communication An Introduction

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s you learned in Chapter 1, people need to be in relationships with other

people: relationships help us meet many needs, such as companionship

and intellectual stimulation. Could Frodo of The Lord of the Rings have survived

without the help of his friend Samwise Gamgee helping to stave off the evil

effects of the ring? Of course not! The military family we described here are no

different; their relationships are important to their survival, too.

In this chapter, we focus on interpersonal relationships, the intercon-

nections and interdependence between communicators. To understand these

relationships, we need to be aware of the role communication plays in them.

Interpersonal communication is the exchange of verbal and nonverbal mes-

sages between people who build relationships, share meanings, and accomplish

social goals (Burleson, 2010). You engage in interpersonal communication in

your most intimate relationships—when you sit down to a heartfelt conversation

with your significant other or when you catch up with your best friend. But you

also engage in interpersonal communication when you get to know your profes-

sor during office hours and when you chat with your new neighbor. Even though

your relationship with your friends or significant other is probably more impor-

tant to you than your relationship with your neighbor, competent communica-

tion allows you to meet personal needs, whether it’s finding support after a hard

day’s work or borrowing a hammer.

So let’s take a closer look at interpersonal relationships and the communica-

tion that takes place in them by examining the types of relationships we form,

why we do so, and what happens once we’re in them.

Types of Interpersonal Relationships

Martin asks Pete, “Do you know my friend Jake?” Pete responds, “I’ve met him

once or twice.” In two short sentences, we gain information about the relation-

ships at play: to Martin, Jake is a friend; to Pete, he’s just an acquaintance.

We’re all involved in multiple relationships, and we distinguish among them in

countless ways: acquaintances, colleagues, coworkers, teammates, friends, family

members, romantic partners, virtual strangers we see all the time (like a barista

or grocery clerk), and so on. Every person has a complex relational network or

web of relationships that connects individuals to one another. In this section, we

focus on family relationships, friendships and social relationships, and romantic

partnerships, as well as online relationships.

Family Relationships

For some people, the term family refers to immediate relatives who live in the

same household. For others, it means a more extended family that includes

grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Still others use the term to describe

groups of people with whom they are intimately connected and committed, even

without blood or civil ties, like some fraternal organizations or religious com-

munities. But for our purposes, a family is a small social group bound by ties of

blood, civil contract (such as marriage, civil union, or adoption), and a commit-

ment to care for and be responsible for one another, often in a shared household.

After you have finished

reading this chapter,

you will be able to

Explain key aspects of

interpersonal

relationships

Describe why we form

relationships

List ways to manage

relationship dynamics

Describe the factors that

influence self-disclosure

Outline the predictable

stages of most

relationships

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A

chapter

outcomes