Real Communication An Introduction

Chapter 7  Developing and Maintaining Relationships 183

Our first and most basic relationships are with family. From them, we
learn communication skills and develop characteristics that affect how we
interact with other people throughout our lives. ABC’s award-winning
Modern Family features three Los Angeles families—that of Jay Pritchett
and those of his daughter Claire and son Mitchell. Jay and his second
wife, Gloria, have a baby son and her teenage son from a previous
relationship. Claire and Phil Dunphy have three children, and
Mitchell and his partner, Cameron, have an adopted Vietnamese
daughter. Although the mockumentary format delivers a lot of
laughs, the communication relationships are very solid and seri-
ous. The families support the diversity among them and chal-
lenges they all face, and they are very involved in each other’s
lives (see Table 7.1). They teach their children the beliefs, values,
and communication skills they need to face life’s challenges, to
feel loved and secure, and to achieve success both professionally
and personally (Ducharme, Doyle, & Markiewicz, 2002). These
messages are essential for enriching family life and positively devel-
oping younger family members (Canary & Dainton, 2003; Guerrero,
Andersen, & Afifi, 2013; Mansson, Myers, & Turner, 2010).

Communication Standard

Openness

Structural stability

Affection

Emotional and instrumental

support

Mind reading

Politeness

Discipline

Humor or sarcasm

Regular routine interaction

Avoidance

Examples

• Share feelings; able to talk when something is
  wrong


• Talk about sensitive issues like sex or drugs


• Everyone listens to and obeys at least one
  person in the family


• Deal with emotional issues when everyone can
  handle them


• Be loving and affectionate with one another


• Say affectionate things like “I love you”


• Help each other; know support will be there


• Able to count on each other


• Know what’s going on with each other without
  asking


• Understand how the other feels without
  discussing it


• Never be rude or inconsiderate


• Never talk back


• Have clear rules for family members


• Know the consequences for breaking family
  rules


• Able to tease other family members


• Poke fun at each other, lovingly


• Meet regularly to discuss things


• Set aside time to communicate


• Avoid topics that are too personal


• Agree to skirt issues that are painful

TABLE 7.1

FAMILY

COMMUNICATION

QUALITIES

Source: Adapted from Caughlin (2003).

THOUGH MODERN

FAMILY emphasizes the

diversity of forms a family can

take, it also suggests that,

no matter what type of family

you’re a part of, the same core

communication skills help all

family members to support

and share with each other.

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