Chapter 7 Developing and Maintaining Relationships 185THINK
ABOUT
THIS❶ Are you on Facebook?
Have you ever rejected
a friend request or un-
friended someone? How
did that affect your rela-
tionship with that “friend”?
❷ As discussed in the
chapter, the term friend
is often used to describe
people with whom we
have social relationships
but do not share close,
intimate ties. How does
Facebook’s use (or mis-
use) of this term affect its
meaning?
❸ Do you think that the
way you use Facebook
has changed over time?
Does the way you use it
relate to the number of
“friends” in your network?
Do you post the same way
for a large group as you
would for a small group?
❹ Other networks have
tried to make it easier to
separate groups of friends
online (Google+, for
example, enables users to
easily group connections
into different “circles”).
But Facebook remains the
largest and most popular
social network. Do you
think that Facebook is
here to stay? Why or
why not?To Friend, or Not to Friend
Among toddlers on playgrounds, the question “Will you be my friend?” is
common. But as we grow older, it’s rare that any relationship begins with
such formalities. That is, until we get to Facebook. Suddenly, it has become
the norm to reach out to people you know—and people you barely know or
don’t know at all—and invite them to be your “friend” in this virtual environ-
ment. These connections can be valuable: for individuals seeking to network,
for organizations seeking to promote a business or cause, for groups trying to
organize or distribute information to members, and for anyone who wants
to share thoughts, photos, or other content, Facebook provides a simple
interface and a large and somewhat customizable audience.
Complicating the issue is the fact that each of the social networking
site’s more than 874 million active users uses it in a different way. Some think
of it as a microblog for posting their observations or opinions, or for sharing
experiences, whereas others use it as a networking space for making profes-
sional, social, or civic connections. Some might post a good deal of personal
information for the world to see (photos, favorite causes, political rants,
religious statements) whereas others might use it only to keep in touch with
close friends and family. Among social media users, 58 percent note that they
limit access to their content to “friends only” (Madden, 2012), but deciding
who a “friend” is can be difficult. The company’s prime mission is “to make
the world more open and connected” (“Our Mission,” 2013), and in pursuit of
that goal, the platform makes it increasingly difficult to maintain just a small
network of Facebook friends. So, what starts out as a close circle of friends
with whom you might share intimate details of your life is quickly expanded
as “friend requests” from acquaintances, colleagues, “friends of friends,” and
others start showing up in your notifications box.
Of course, you can simply deny friend requests, lock down your privacy
settings, and keep your group small. But when you do that, you risk insulting
or offending those who seek to connect with you—which can be awkward.
How do you deny a friend request from your boss? Your professor? Your
nana? On the other hand, if you accept every friend request that comes in,
you risk having your information broadcast beyond your intended circle of
connections. A time-stamped comment on a colleague’s page could reveal
that you were not exactly on task at work all day if that colleague is a “friend”
of your boss; liking a friend’s private photo or relationship status could out him
to his family if you—or any of your “friends”—share connections with them.
Recent data suggest that Facebook use may be declining. Teens are
largely abandoning the site for other networks (Bercovici, 2013), and more
than a quarter of current users note that the site is less important to them
than it was a year ago. Among adults who do not use the network, some
20 percent are former Facebook users who have left (Rainie, Smith, & Duggan,
2013). Relatively few former users and nonusers specifically site privacy
issues as a key concern, although many have noted that there was too much
drama, gossip, and boring, mundane, or negative posts from “friends.”WIREDFORCOMMUNICATION