186 Part 2 Interpersonal CommunicationOne of the best ways to
react with empathy is
through empathic listening
(Chapter 6). By paraphras-
ing your friend’s words and
using caring facial expres-
sions and body movements
(Chapter 4), you encourage
your friend to share what’s
on his mind—even if you
have never had the experi-
ence that he’s describing.
Oneofthe bestwaysto
CONNECT
Markoff & Sengupta, 2011). Indeed, it’s likely that the vast majority of your six
hundred Facebook “friends” are really social acquaintances. Sometimes, these
social relationships can become awkward when one partner assumes too much
intimacy. For example, someone you barely know in your religious community
might expect to be invited to your wedding, or you might encounter unease if
you ask a few coworkers to go to happy hour in a corporate culture that dis-
courages outside socialization (DeKay, 2012).Romantic Relationships
What ideas, thoughts, and feelings come to mind when you think about
romantic relationships? Do you think of romantic dinners, jealousy, butter-
flies in your stomach? Perhaps you think about sex or about commitment and
love (Tierney, 2007).
Love can be used to describe feelings other than romantic ones, includ-
ing our feelings for our families, friends, pets, or anything that evokes strong
feelings of like or appreciation (as in “I love the Chicago Bears” or “I love bur-
ritos”). But we typically define love within the context of relationships as a
deep affection for and attachment to another person involving emotional ties,
with varying degrees of passion, commitment, and intimacy (closeness and
understanding of a relational partner). There are many types of love that can
characterize different relationships—or even the same relationship at different
times. For example, the love between Anna and Mario, married for fifty-seven
years, is probably not the same as when they were first married. Studies involv-
ing hundreds of people revealed six categories of love: eros (erotic, sexual love),
ludus (playful, casual love), storge (love that lacks passion), pragma (committed,
practical love), mania (intense, romantic love), and agape (selfless, uncondi-
tional love) (Hendrick & Hendrick, 1992; Lee, 1973). Some relationships may
be characterized by only one of these types, whereas others may move through
two or more types over time.
The complexities of romantic love can be astounding, but the desire to
attain it is as universal as it is timeless. In fact, the value of relationships and the
characteristics that comprise love and commitment between two people are fairly
consistent regardless of culture. One study found that among Americans, Chi-
nese, Japanese, and Koreans, differences in notions of love were not pronounced,
and respondents from all four countries reported that happiness and warmth
were associated with love (Kline, Horton, & Zhang, 2005).
Studies show that relational harmony has both physical and psychological
benefits, as you can see in Figure 7.1 (Parker-Pope, 2010a). However, research
reveals that there isn’t one specific path to romantic satisfaction. Dating partners
in both long-distance and geographically close relationships enjoy satisfaction
through the use of compatible styles of humor and other coping skills to decrease
relational stress (Hall, 2013; Vela, Booth-Butterfield, Wanzer, & Vallade,
2013). Same-sex couples in long-term, committed relationships share the
same benefits of meaningful commitment (such as life satisfaction and general
well-being) as heterosexual couples (Clausell & Roisman, 2009). Cohabitating
unmarried couples who see themselves on a trajectory toward marriage enjoy
similar satisfaction and well-being as married couples, but those who haveWhat characteristics do you
consider most important in
your friendships? How do
they compare to the char-
acteristics mentioned in the
research? Do your friends
meet your expectations? As
a friend, do you exhibit the
characteristics you listed as
most important?AND YOU?