190 Part 2 Interpersonal CommunicationCONNECT
Although culture plays a
powerful role in our ideas
about physical attraction
(Chapter 5), it’s important
to remember that we all
have schemas about
attractiveness (Chapter 2).
So although you might find
Jordan very attractive, your
friend Cameron might not
because Jordan reminds
her of a previously awful
romantic partner or because
Jordan bears a striking
resemblance to her brother.
to know because they sat next to you in elementary school, lived on the same
dorm floor, or worked with you at Applebee’s.
Physical proximity was once the most important factor in determining and
maintaining relationships. If you were to move away from a neighborhood,
switch schools, or change jobs, you would likely lose touch with old friends and
eventually make new friends in your new surroundings. But modern technology
allows you to interact regularly through mediated channels—virtual proximity
with those who may be physically quite far away. Nonetheless, if persons are not
in physical proximity and fail to establish and maintain virtual proximity—for
example, if they avoid social networking or don’t have access to a computer, tablet,
or smartphone—the chances of forming or maintaining relationships dwindle.Attractive Qualities
Hollywood movies often deal with troubled relationships, but the movie Julie
and Julia is different. It revolves around a young blogger attempting to find
purpose in her life by cooking her way through Julia Child’s famous cookbook.
The reality of Child’s life—her love of cooking and her marriage to Paul Child—
is the refreshing background for the rest of the film (Parker-Pope, 2010b). It
depicts not only the exciting beginning of relationships but also the possibility of
happy, easy, fun, interesting relationships in which people can remain attracted
to one another for a lifetime. The Childs are attracted to one another romanti-
cally, intellectually, and socially. You might also be attracted to someone because
of a variety of personal qualities that you admire, such as an outgoing personal-
ity, sense of fun, intellectual prowess, or simply a warm smile.
As you’ve learned in earlier chapters, your physical appearance does also play
an important role in attracting others, especially in the very early stages of a rela-
tionship when first impressions are formed. People who are considered beautiful
or attractive are often perceived as kinder, warmer, more intelligent, and more
honest than unattractive people, and they have earlier opportunities for dating
and marriage (Canary, Cody, & Manusov, 2008).
But before you focus only on physical attractiveness, remember two things.
First, beauty is largely in the eye of the beholder, and individual tastes vary due to
factors too numerous to discuss here (including cultural standards). For example,
among the Padaung tribe of Southeast Asia, women wrap rings around their necks
to push down their collarbones and upper ribs, giving the illusion of extremely
long necks, considered a sign of beauty and wealth; Western standards of beauty
are not the same. Second, our communication affects perceptions of beauty;
repeated interaction with others alters our initial impressions of their physical
appearance (Canary, Cody, & Manusov, 2008). So your ability to use verbal and
nonverbal messages appropriately and effectively probably has a lot more to do
with your perceived attractiveness than perfect clothing or the size of your jeans.Similarity
The notion that “opposites attract” is so common in popular culture that
many people take it as an undeniable truth. But despite the popularity of
the concept, research shows that attraction is more often based on the degree
of similarity we have with another person, whether through shared hobbies,Consider someone with
whom you share a very
close relationship. In what
ways are you similar to this
person? Are those similarities
what attracted you in the first
place?AND YOU?