192 Part 2 Interpersonal CommunicationStimulation
All people have a need for intellectual, emotional, and physical stimulation
(Krcmar & Greene, 1999; Rubin, Perse, & Powell, 1985). Nobody enjoys being
bored! So we seek out diversions like television or music. Interactions with others
frequently provide multiple types of stimulation at once, which can contribute
to our relational satisfaction (Guerrero, Farinelli, & McEwan, 2009).
Consider some of the communication relationships you have formed with
various people that provide stimulation over the course of a day. You might go
for coffee with that classmate who really makes you laugh. You stop your profes-
sor in the hallway to share an interesting story related to your class. You check up
on Facebook and decide to “hide” updates from that person who always irritates
you. And then you meet up with your significant other, who greets you with a
warm hug after a long day. It’s also possible, of course, for you to find multiple
forms of stimulation in one person.
The innate need for stimulation is what causes many people to feel uncom-
fortable about solitary confinement. Senator John McCain, recalling the more
than five years he spent as a prisoner of war in Vietnam, noted: “As far as this
business of solitary confinement goes—the most important thing for survival is
communication with someone, even if it’s only a wave or a wink, a tap on the
wall, or to have a guy put his thumb up. It makes all the difference” (McCain,
2008).Meeting Goals
Although you may form relationships because of proximity, attraction, or
similarity, you might also enter into relationships simply to achieve practical
goals. In addition to our psychological needs to alleviate loneliness or obtain
stimulation, we have mundane needs for getting through our daily tasks as well
as longer-term goals for achieving our life’s plans. We often form relationships
with people to help us or inform us or give us pep talks to meet these needs
and achieve our goals. For example, you might develop a relationship with a
classmate because you need someone to help you figure out an assignment or
give you advice about your major. If you have dreamed all your life about work-
ing in finance, you might seek relationships with influential people in that field
through networking via your college alumni group or through an internship.
Of course, people can form relationships to achieve manipulative goals
as well, which is the argument that is put forward by those who feel that soli-
tary confinement is justified. When particularly dangerous prisoners are kept
in isolation, they are unable to form relationships that might help them to
accomplish dangerous goals (such as gang memberships or terrorist networking)
(Sullivan, 2006).Managing Relationship Dynamics
When it comes to relationship advice, you don’t need to look far for what seems
like “expertise.” From the fictional Carrie Bradshaw to the real-life Dr. Phil and
from books like Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus to countless Cosmo
magazine self-quizzes, popular culture is brimming with advice on managing andDo you rely on different
relational partners for
companionship, stimulation,
or goal achievement?
Do you have some
relationships that provide
all three functions?AND YOU?