Real Communication An Introduction

198 Part 2  Interpersonal Communication

more closedness at other times. Partners who are willing to try to fulfill each

other’s needs for information while still maintaining their own privacy are more

likely to manage this dialectical tension with satisfaction (Baxter, 1990).

Predictability Versus Novelty

Which is more important to relationships, safety and security or excitement

and spontaneity? The third dialectical tension is where proponents of relational

dialectics theory disagree with the concept of uncertainty reduction that we

discussed earlier. Rather than accepting that uncertainty is inherently uncom-

fortable, dialectics researchers argue that people have a simultaneous need for

stability through predictable relational interaction as well as a need for new and

unexpected experiences in personal relationships. On the one hand, partners

seek stable patterns of interaction: Colin and Casey, for example, enjoy the com-

fort of their evening routine of dinner and television, and their understanding

of each others’ typical reactions and emotions helps them to know how to sup-

port one another and avoid unnecessary upsets. At the same time, being able to

almost finish each other’s sentences can be too predictable, so some novelty in

their interactions is also welcome. This is why Colin might surprise Casey with

an unexpected love-note in the lunch she takes to work, or why Casey might

spontaneously cook a Thai meal or suggest a vacation to somewhere they’d never

thought to go before.

Self-Disclosure and Interpersonal Relationships

Do you remember Angelica from Chapter 2 (p. 57)? You may recall her heavy

debt due to her lifestyle (expensive vacations, a new car, a nice apartment, and

so on). When she divulges her personal financial mishaps to a friend, she is

self-disclosing, revealing very personal information. As you’ve likely experi-

enced in your own life, self-disclosure has a powerful impact on the develop-

ment of interpersonal relationships (Samter, 2003). The process of choosing

FOR SOME, the surprise
of breakfast in bed might
be enough to shake up the
normal routine. For others, it
might take zip-lining through
a rainforest or backpacking
across Asia. Cultura/Matt Hoover
Photo/Getty Images