202 Part 2 Interpersonal CommunicationStages of a Relationship
In The Descendants, actor George Clooney plays Matt King, a real estate
lawyer suddenly confronted with significant changes in his relationships. He
finds his wife near death and learns of her infidelity almost simultaneously;
he is suddenly forced to parent his angry daughters; and he is the cousin in
charge of selling off family land in Kauai to developers (Scott, 2011). We wit-
ness King’s relationships in flux, challenged by significant relational events
called turning points (Baxter & Bullis, 1986)—positive or negative events
or changes that stand out in people’s minds as important to defining their
relationships (for example, stories about “how we met” or detours such as
negative disclosures).
A turning point can often move a relationship into a new “stage”—a
different set of feelings and communication behaviors that partners dem-
onstrate. Several scholars argue that relationships, as they change over time,
progress through several different predictable stages (Knapp & Vangelisti,
2000). During each stage, our communication patterns differ and our assess-
ments of costs and rewards determine whether our relationship will remain at
the same stage, move to a closer stage, or shift to one further apart. Figure 7.3
outlines the relational stages we develop in the following sections.Initiating Stage
In the initiating stage of a relationship, you make contact with another person,
saying “Hello” or asking for a name. If you think about the number of new people
you initiate with on a given day, you won’t be surprised to learn that many rela-
tionships don’t move beyond this stage. Just because you say “Good morning” to
the woman who sold you a bagel doesn’t mean the two of you will be chatting on
the phone later today. But you will likely use your first impression of a person to
gauge whether or not you’re interested in moving forward with the relationship
(Canary, Cody, & Manusov, 2008).CONNECT
It can be awkward to
verbally indicate that you
want a relationship to end
or to move beyond the ini-
tiating stage. You wouldn’t
tell a new classmate, “I
don’t like you. Stop talking
to me.” Luckily, nonverbal
communication helps you
address this issue. You can
indicate like or dislike with
facial expressions, posture,
use of space, or touch
(Chapter 4), hoping this
individual properly
decodes your message.
AS THE CHARACTER
Matt King struggles through
relational changes, he dis-
covers that his daughters,
cousins, and even the wife
of the man his wife cheated
with are all wrestling with the
same challenges. In the end,
he realizes that it’s easier for
them to stick together to face
these turning points. Merie
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