204 Part 2 Interpersonal CommunicationSUPERSTARS Jay-Z
and Beyoncé Knowles have
managed to maintain a stable
relationship for years despite
the strains and visibility of
being a celebrity couple.
BENOIT TESSIER/Reuters /Landov
Two substages occur here. First, we see relational partners integrating or
“becoming one.” You and your roommate Dana now cultivate common friends,
develop joint opinions, and may share property. Second, people treat you as
a pair—one of you would never be invited to a party without the other one
(Knapp & Vangelisti, 2000). If the relationship progresses beyond integrating,
bonding takes place when two partners share formal, public messages with the
world that their relationship is important and cherished. Engagements, wed-
dings, civil unions, and entering into legal contracts (such as buying a house
together) are common ways to reveal a bonded romantic couple.
Life’s challenges inevitably arise for partners in a stable relationship, so
each individual will need to determine if the benefits of the relationship (such
as intimacy or companionship) outweigh the costs that these challenges rep-
resent. For a few tips on developing and maintaining stable relationships, see
Table 7.2.Declining Stage
Have you noticed your partner criticizing you more often, refusing to talk about
issues important to you, getting defensive, or speaking with contempt? If these
behaviors are occurring more often than positive behaviors in your relationship,
you may be in a declining stage, when the relationship begins to come apart
(Gottman & Silver, 1999). Three factors typically lead to this stage: uncertainty
events, interference (concerning family, work, timing, money, or the like), and
unmet expectations.