206 Part 2 Interpersonal Communication
of married couples reported money as a culprit in marital distress (“Money,”
2006). Romantic partners or even friends often view money differently because
of upbringing, spending habits, and gender (Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983).Unmet Expectations
Whenever people enter into a relationship, they form ideas about what they
think will or should happen; these expectations influence how we (and our part-
ners) send and receive messages. Unrealistic expectations can create problems in
a relationship: if Hannah believes that true love means never arguing, she might
interpret her boyfriend Liam’s criticism of her perpetual tardiness as a sign that
they’re not meant to be together. Realistic expectations, by contrast, can increase
relational satisfaction and improve interpersonal communication (Alexander,
2008). Luisa, for example, has learned that her friend Emily is never going to
remember her birthday. It’s not a sign that Emily doesn’t care; she just isn’t good
with dates. Instead, Luisa focuses on the kind things that Emily does for her, like
sending her funny postcards from her business travel or watching the dogs when
Luisa had to leave town for a funeral.THINK
ABOUT
THIS❶ Can you put yourself in
your father’s position and
empathize with him? What
are your responsibilities
here as an ethical listener?
❷ In light of the informa-
tion you have gleaned from
this chapter, how would
you prepare to have a con-
versation about repairing
the relationship no matter
which decision you make?
What repair tactics could
you consider using?
❸ Construct a conver-
sation that allows for
relationship repair (based
on the decision that you
make regarding your in-
dependence). What might
that conversation be like?
What communication skills
could you use? How will
you ensure that the con-
versation is ethical?Money, Family, and Paying the Bills
You have a pretty good relationship with your parents, but money has also
been a source of conflict with them. You’re the first in your family to attend
college, and you’re working twenty hours a week (and full time during the
summer) to contribute toward your living expenses and tuition. You’ve taken
out a hefty amount of money in student loans as well. You know that money
is tight for your parents, and you are grateful for the help that they can pro-
vide. Your mother, for example, sends generous packages of food, and your
father and stepmother pay for your car insurance. But money is still a con-
stant concern for you.
Recently, you discovered that you could qualify for a particular scholar-
ship and a grant—money for college that does not need to be repaid—if you
can prove that your income falls below a certain threshold. The only way to
make that happen is to declare yourself independent from your parents’ care.
But that would have some negative financial consequences for them, as they
would no longer be able to claim you as a deduction on their tax return. You
decide to discuss the issue with your father, hoping that he will see the situ-
ation from your point of view, but he does not. In fact, he becomes so angry
that he threatens to cut you off altogether—no more car insurance money
and no place to live during the summer internship you’ve arranged near your
father’s town. He tells you that if you want to be independent, you should be
completely independent.
Either way you look at it, your relationship with your father has been af-
fected. If you do declare yourself independent, you will lose his assistance
and gain his wrath. If you don’t, you will resent him deeply for causing you
additional financial stress. You want to repair your relationship with him...
but how?EVALUATINGCOMMUNICATIONETHICS