Real Communication An Introduction

Chapter 7  Developing and Maintaining Relationships 209

Mary and Justin

At the beginning of this chapter, we met Mary and Justin, a

couple struggling to maintain a close and functional family life

during Justin’s regular military deployment. Let’s consider how

they deal with the strains of time, distance, and uncertainty in

light of what we’ve learned in this chapter.

c Military spouses often take on the role of single parents, making new rules and
routines for interaction with the children when their partners are gone. When
the soldier returns, his or her unfamiliarity with these behaviors may strain
communication. When Justin is home, he and Mary talk a lot about how they
should guide and discipline their sons so that the boys experience consistency—
and so that they manage the dialectical tensions of autonomy versus connection.

c Depending on what technologies are available (and when), families can talk
every day or regularly to keep abreast of one another’s lives. They can engage
in activities together, even though they are far apart. Mary and Justin like to
choose a book that they read independently and then discuss when they have
time together. They also pray together at an agreed-upon time, even though
they are not connected physically or electronically. These simple but mean-
ingful activities help them to feel a sense of closeness despite the distance.
c Sharing family news—whether big (“Doug made the basketball team”) or
small (“Daniel was home from school today with a bit of a cold”)—helps to
keep Justin involved in the family’s day-to-day activities. Mary and Justin’s
discussions of their daily lives help them to increase feelings of intimacy.
c All spouses may sometimes worry about how much to disclose to their part-
ners. For example, Mary worries that if she discloses her exhaustion at deal-
ing with their son’s disrespectful behavior alone, Justin will feel guilty for not
being there. However, research shows that healthy self-disclosure between
spouses correlates with fewer health problems and higher marital satisfaction
(Joseph & Afifi, 2010).

BACK TO

Activities

1. LaunchPad for Real Communication offers key term videos and encourages self-
   assessment through adaptive quizzing. Go to bedfordstmartins.com/realcomm
   to get access to:

LearningCurve

Adaptive Quizzes.

A

1 LhPdfRlC i

THINGS TO TRY

Video clips that illustrate key concepts, highlighted in

teal in the Real Reference section that follows.

2. List one family relationship, one friendship, and one romantic relationship in
   which you are or have been involved. For each of these relationships, list at
   least five self-disclosures you made to those individuals, and describe how each
   revelation advanced relational intimacy. Now list at least five self-disclosures you
   wish you had not made to each of these individuals. Did these inappropriate