Students don’t need to be told that kids can be mean.
They’ve all seen a fellow student being harassed, physically or verbally, by a
classmate. Some may have even been the target of a bully at some point in their
lives. Others may have been the tormenters themselves. And every few months,
a news report sounds the alarm about a growing epidemic of bullying: stories of
heartbreaking child suicides and chilling school shootings detail the torments
some teenagers inflict on others and the lengths to which some victims will go
to escape. By 2014, laws or policies against bullying were on the books of each
of the fifty states (StopBullyingNow.gov). Many schools adopted “zero toler-
ance” policies, which prescribe automatic and severe punishments for students
who exhibit any violent or bullying behavior (American Psychological Associa-
tion, 2008).
Is every mean word or act of aggression an example of bullying? Probably
not. As Emily Bazelon, journalist and author of the book, Sticks and Stones:
Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and
Empathy, points out, the word bullying is itself being abused—applied to any
and all acts of aggression or insensitivity that come up between children rather
than to long- or short-term patterns of abuse by popular or powerful children
over weaker ones. In many cases, incidents labeled as bullying, including fights
and online attacks, are really two-way conflicts in which both students play a role
(Yoffe, 2013). “Most teenagers can identify bullying,” Bazelon notes, “but they
can also distinguish it from what they often call ‘drama,’ which... is an accurate
and common name for the ordinary skirmishes that mark most children’s lives.
In fact, it’s drama that’s common, and bullying, properly defined, that’s less so”
(Bazelon, 2013).chapter
Managing Conflict
in Relationships
8
Understanding
ConflictConflict TriggersFactors Affecting
ConflictConflict StylesReconciliationIN THIS CHAPTER213