Chapter 8 Managing Conflict in Relationships 215& Nagel, 2013), as well as personal health problems, including sleep disruptions
(Hicks & Diamond, 2011), emotional distress (Davies, Sturge-Apple, Cicchetti,
& Cummings, 2008), mood disorders (Segrin, Hanzal, & Domschke, 2009),
heart disease, and immune deficiency (Canary, 2003).
Productive Conflict
Not all conflict is negative, however. In fact, conflict can be as valuable as it is
inevitable! Conflict that is managed effectively is called productive conflict. We
don’t always notice the conflicts that we handle productively, as when two people
quickly reach a compromise over some issue on which they disagree (like whether
to eat at the Olive Garden or Pizza Hut), without argument or confrontation.
But productive conflict can also follow unproductive conflict, as when Lisa and
Steven, feeling fed up with the debt and realizing that their marriage was in jeopardy,
began to confront and work on their financial and relationship problems, cutting
their budgets and taking on additional work for more income. By addressing the
problem collaboratively—facing the reality of their debt, agreeing on their finan-
cial priorities, setting a budget, and making decisions about money together—the
couple began both resolving their financial problems and healing their relationship.
It is important to note that productive conflict does not necessarily mean a
successful resolution of conflict, but even without resolution, productive conflict
can still benefit both parties. Let’s look at a few examples.
Productive Conflict Fosters Healthy Debate
To believe that conflict can be productive rather than destructive, you have to
actively engage in it. There is no greater intellectual exercise than exploring and
testing ideas with another person. And like a sport, it can get competitive, as
evidenced by the popularity of debate teams in schools and the media fanfare
surrounding political debates during major elections. In fact, active and lively
debate allows us to exchange ideas, evaluate the merits of one another’s claims,
and continually refine and clarify each other’s thinking about the issue under
discussion; debates on the floors of Congress, for example, allow representatives
EVEN WITH MATTERS
as simple as making plans
for a Friday night, we may
be uncompromising and
create unproductive conflict
or discuss the options, reach
an agreement, and act on it.
conrado/ShutterstockCONNECT
Few people enjoy conflict,
but avoiding it can have
negative consequences.
In Chapter 9, we discuss
groupthink—when groups
focus on unity and con-
flict avoidance rather than
openly discussing alterna-
tive solutions to problems.
If your student organiza-
tion president makes an
irresponsible suggestion
on how to spend funds
and you and the others
keep silent, conflict may be
avoided—but at a cost.