Real Communication An Introduction

216 Part 2  Interpersonal Communication

to go on record with their opinions on bills

being considered and to try to persuade their

colleagues to consider their positions. When

government leaders fail to engage in such

debates—when they evade questions or block

a bill from going to debate on the floor of the

legislature—they are formally engaging in the

same kind of unproductive conflict avoid-

ance that individuals use when they refuse to

discuss difficult subjects. Conflict and healthy

debate can also be a useful part of everyday

life, as when a couple discusses and evaluates

the pros and cons of buying a new car.

Productive Conflict Leads to

Better Decision-Making

Healthy debate serves a real purpose in that

it helps individuals and groups make smarter

decisions. By skillfully working through conflicting ideas about how to solve a

problem or reach a goal, we identify the best courses of action. That’s because

a productive conflict provides an arena in which we can test the soundness of

proposed ideas. Suggested solutions that are logical and feasible will stand up

to scrutiny during the decision-making process, whereas weaker solutions are

likely to be exposed as flawed. So by engaging in productive discussion about

your conflict, the real costs and impact of, say, a new hybrid car are revealed,

and you are able to come up with a workable solution: you will continue driv-

ing your old car while sacrificing this year’s vacation and dinners out to put

an additional $350 every month into a special savings account toward the

purchase of a secondhand hybrid car in one year.

Productive Conflict Spurs Relationship Growth

Differences of opinion and clashing goals are inevitable in any relationship.

And that can be part of what keeps our relationships fun and interesting!

But how the partners handle the disagreements that arise determines whether

their bond will grow stronger. As two individuals—be they romantic part-

ners, friends, roommates, or colleagues—work through their disagreements

productively, they build on the relationship (Dainton & Gross, 2008). For

example, contestant pairs on the CBS reality series The Amazing Race face

many relational challenges as they race around the globe completing obstacles

and quests. Contestants may disagree with how their partner approaches a

particular situation (like refusing to ask for directions when lost), or they may

get frustrated if the partner loses an important document or forgets to ask the

all-important taxicab to wait around until the end of a challenge. Yet most

contestants manage to end their race without permanently damaging their

relationships; many even cite the race as an experience that improved their

communication during highly stressful and intense situations. To paraphrase

the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, that which does not kill a rela-

tionship can indeed make it stronger.

ALTHOUGH IT MAY
have been frustrating and
stressful to solve a logic
puzzle together under time
constraints, this couple in
The Amazing Race emerged
triumphant, feeling all the
closer for having managed
the pressure and communi-
cation challenges success-
fully. MONTY BRINTON/CBS /Landov

Have you ever let a small

conflict grow into a bigger

one simply because you

avoided engaging in con-

flict management? On the

other hand, are there times

when avoiding conflict is

more productive than trying

to address it?

AND YOU?