Chapter 8 Managing Conflict in Relationships 219Factors Affecting Conflict
We’ve just looked at triggers that can cause a conflict to crop up between people.
But once a conflict arises, several specific forces can influence how the people
involved handle the conflict. We examine these forces next.
Power Dynamics
When one person has power over another, that dynamic can cause one or both
of the people to handle conflict unproductively. Power dynamics are often at play
in the workplace, where your boss determines the nature of your work and can
fire, promote, or transfer you. If you and your boss disagree about some issue at
work, your boss may pull rank, saying something like “I’m in charge here.” But
power dynamics also come into play in more intimate relationships. For exam-
ple, if you are dependent on your parents for tuition, shelter, food, or anything
else, they may use that power to control your behavior, perhaps pressuring you
to choose a specific school or major or making bold declarations about how you
should spend your time.
In romantic relationships, unhealthy partnerships are often characterized by
too much dependence of one partner on the other, control of one partner, and
an inability to communicate boundaries, among other things (Canary, Cody, &
Manusov, 2008). You can imagine what happens when conflict enters such an
unbalanced relationship. In some cases, the partner with more power may engage
in activities that make the other partner fearful and compliant, such as bullying
or intimidating. Let’s say that Chris and Amy are considering purchasing their
first home together and that Amy is just starting a freelance writing career. Amy
now relies on Chris’s full-time job for health insurance and a stable income. In
a relationship where power is balanced and healthy, Chris would be supportive
of Amy’s new venture and would want to come to a mutual decision about the
size and type of home they purchase. But if the balance of power is skewed in
Chris’s favor—either because he is domineering or because Amy refuses to voice
her opinions—Chris may engage in some of the tactics we mentioned: saying,
for example, “Well, I’m the one paying for the house,” or “Fine, I guess we’ll just
keep throwing away money on rent,” if Amy suggests that perhaps Chris’s top-
choice house isn’t what’s best for them.
It’s important to bear in mind that differences in power aren’t limited to mate-
rial resources. In any relationship, one person has power over another if he or she
controls something that the other person values. For example, when you are angry
with your best friend, you may ignore her, depriving her of the benefit of spending
time with you. Some people even withhold physical or emotional affection from
their romantic partner as a form of punishment or as a means to try to control
their partner’s behavior. When the power balance is unequal, conflicts are more
likely, and relational partners tend to be less satisfied (Dunbar & Abra, 2010).
Attitudes Toward Conflict
Some people love a good argument. They relish the opportunity to negotiate
a new employment contract or debate friends on political issues. Studies show
CONNECT
Cultural context has a
strong impact on power
dynamics. In Chapter 5,
we discuss high- and low-
power-distance cultures,
which differ in their expec-
tations and acceptance
of the division of power
among individuals and
groups. In intercultural
group settings—where
members and leaders may
have different attitudes
about power dynamics—
it’s a good idea to discuss
the dynamics openly
to make conflict more
productive and enhance
group communication
(see Chapter 10).