Real Communication An Introduction

220 Part 2  Interpersonal Communication

that those who have positive views about conflict spend time imagining conflicts

with other people and planning out and rehearsing conflict scenarios in order

to achieve positive outcomes and relieve stress (Wallenfelsz & Hample, 2010).

Others find conflict uncomfortable and believe it can only lead to hurt feelings or

a damaged relationship. This discomfort might lead you to steer clear of conflict

entirely or avoid it in situations when you don’t think that you will argue very

effectively, you don’t consider the particular disagreement very important, or you

don’t believe that the current time or place is appropriate for having an argument.

Some people take their negative views of conflict to the level of a destruc-

tive tendency called taking conflict personally (TCP) (Hample & Dallinger,

1995). When we take conflict personally, we feel so threatened by conflict that

we interpret most disagreements as personal insults or assault. We may also dwell

on negative thoughts and feelings of persecution and, if we cannot avoid conflict

altogether, may actually lash out aggressively (Wallenfelsz & Hample, 2010).

Our attitudes about conflict, whether we embrace or detest it, have an important

effect on how we deal with it.

Communication Climate

Another factor that affects how we handle conflict is the communication

climate (Gibb, 1961)—the general “atmosphere” surrounding how we feel

about our communication in different relationships.

What types of climate might you face when engaging in conflict with

others? We suggest three possibilities: uncertain, defensive, and supportive. The

AMC television series The Walking Dead illustrates the ways different climates

can affect conflict management.

YOUR ROOMMATE
keeps adding to her pile of
dirty dishes in the sink and
hasn’t washed a single one in
three days. Do you see this
as an opportunity to talk with
your roommate about setting
some kitchen ground rules—
or would you rather avoid
conflict by washing the dishes
so that you have space to
clean your own? Gemenacom/
Shutterstock

Think of an attitude you

have about conflict that is

making it difficult for you to

talk productively about

disagreements with someone

in your life. For example, do

you believe that discussing

conflict will destroy your

relationship? What steps

might you take to begin

letting go of this

unproductive attitude?

AND YOU?