Chapter 8 Managing Conflict in Relationships 225is the powerful way that channel choice influences
conflict management.
Of course, some practical considerations can
influence which channel we select to communicate
with someone else about a disagreement, such as
whether a person lives close enough for us to talk
about an issue in person. However, our reasons for
choosing one channel over another are often rooted
in emotions. If you’re intimidated by someone in a
conflict situation, you may feel safer communicating
with him or her by e-mail than over the phone or
face to face. But beware: managing conflict with close
friends or romantic partners through electronic chan-
nels can come across as insensitive and even cowardly.
Just ask those who found out that their relationship
was over via a changed “relationship status” on their
significant other’s Facebook page!
Online Anonymity and Conflict
On a related front, the relative anonymity of electronic communication has
emerged as a new factor that influences conflict, particularly in the genera-
tion of heated and unproductive electronic exchanges in Internet forums, in
e-mails, and through social networking sites (Shachaf & Hara, 2010). Of course,
people have long been able to provoke conflict anonymously—for example,
prank phone calls were common in the days before caller ID. But the Internet
has provided a vast arena for flaming—the posting of online messages that are
deliberately hostile or insulting toward a particular individual. Such messages are
usually intended only to provoke anger and can ignite flame wars between indi-
viduals when friendly, productive discussions give way to insults and aggression.
In many cases, the root cause of these conflicts is not even a disagreement but
one person’s misinterpretation of another’s message.
Flaming should be distinguished from trolling, which is the posting of
provocative, offensive, and often false messages to forums or discussion boards
in order to elicit from the participants a negative general reaction (Morrissey,
2010). Trolls often use their online anonymity to intentionally stir up con-
flict and create damage. In the online gaming community, they also purposely
disrupt teamwork or try to ruin the gaming experience of others (Thacker &
Griffiths, 2012). Research reveals that trolls are typically motivated by boredom,
amusement, attention seeking, and revenge (Shachaf & Hara, 2010; Thacker &
Griffiths, 2012).
Technological channels are also an arena for even more aggressive conflict
behaviors, such as cyberbullying—abusive attacks on individual targets conducted
through electronic channels (Erdur-Baker, 2010). Researchers point out that tra-
ditional face-to-face bullying, although highly unpleasant, is also extremely inti-
mate, and victims can at least find some place or time of refuge. Cyberbullying, by
contrast, makes use of text messages, e-mails, and social networking sites to deliver
a nonstop stream of cruel messages or photos that may be visible to others for a
THE COFOUNDER of
Wikipedia, Jim Wales,
allegedly broke up with his
girlfriend on his Wikipedia
page. Perhaps that wasn’t the
best choice! © Rick Friedman/
CorbisConsider a recent conflict.
What channel did you
select to communicate with
the other person? How did
the communication channel
affect the quality of the
exchange? Did the channel
you chose lead to a
productive conflict or an
unproductive one? Why?AND YOU?