Chapter 8 Managing Conflict in Relationships 231found that indirect fighting is associated with lower relationship commit-
ment in friendships (Allen, Babin, & McEwan, 2012), reduced satisfaction in
romantic partnerships (Guerrero, Farinelli, & McEwan, 2009), and even long-
term distress in marriage (Kilmann, 2012).
Cooperative Styles
Of course, one very practical way for you and your sister to manage the pie
conflict is simply to split the last piece. That way you at least both get some pie.
Conflict styles that aim to benefit the relationship, to serve mutual rather than
individual goals, and to produce solutions that benefit both parties are called
cooperative strategies (Zacchilli, Hendrick, & Henrick, 2009).
THINK
ABOUT
THIS❶ You know that both
Ellen and Steve rely on you
as a friend (and in Ellen’s
case, as family). How can
you maintain your relation-
ships with both of them
even as their relationship
with each other is falling
apart? Is it fair of them to
involve you at all?
❷ What outcomes are
possible here? Can you
provide advice to help
them stay together?
Should you?
❸ What do you think of
Steve mentioning another
girl? Would it affect you dif-
ferently if Ellen were just a
friend, and not your sister?The Accidental Relationship Counselor
You and your sister Ellen are close in age—she’s only a year younger than
you—and are very close friends. And while it was weird when Ellen began
dating your best friend, Steve, during your junior year of high school, over
the past few years you’ve gotten used to them being together. They’ve been
dating for three years now, and you still hang out with them all the time, both
individually and as a couple.
But lately you’ve been noticing that their relationship isn’t as close as it
used to be. Even though you all commute to the same community college,
you’ve noticed that Ellen and Steve aren’t always together the way they used
to be. While you and Steve navigated the campus together as freshmen last
year, Ellen is tackling her first year at school in a more independent manner.
She is making lots of new friends, joining campus clubs, and spending a lot
of time away from Steve (and you). While you’re happy to see your little sister
spreading her wings, you worry about her future with Steve.
Making things worse, Steve is confiding his doubts about the relation-
ship in you—he tells you that he thinks Ellen might be interested in other guys
and asks you if she has mentioned anyone in particular. He then mentions
that there is girl in one of his classes who he thinks might like him. Mean-
while, Ellen mentions that she’s disappointed in the way Steve is handling
college. When the three of you had lunch recently, Ellen publicly vented her
frustration at Steve: “You still act like you’re in high school. You have all the
same friends, all the same interests. Don’t you want to experience something
new?” As awkward as that encounter was, you feel even worse when Ellen
later confides to you privately: “I feel like maybe it’s time we broke up. What
do you think?”
You always knew that the day might come when Steve and Ellen split
up, but you never imagined you’d feel so caught in the middle. You know that
Steve loves her and wants to stay together, but at the same time you know
that Ellen isn’t entirely happy in the relationship. What will you do?EVALUATINGCOMMUNICATIONETHICS