Real Communication An Introduction

Chapter 1  Communication: Essential Human Behavior 5

sister. You might even try to bully your sister into letting you host. (Of course,
some of these strategies may be more effective than others!) Lastly, goals may
change over time. For instance, you might initially have thought you wanted to
host Thanksgiving but then realized your small apartment can’t comfortably fit
your large family.
A long line of research conducted in a variety of contexts—including work
groups, families, and friendships—has found that this goal-oriented commu-
nication serves one or more primary functions, such as expressing affiliation,
managing relationships, or influencing others (Wiemann & Krueger, 1980).
Let’s consider each of these functions, keeping in mind that they are often
intertwined.

Everyone has ideas about what constitutes good communication. But just

how correct are those ideas? Do your personal theories of communication

match what social science tells us about the way we communicate? Consider

the following questions:

c Does talking equal effective communication? Have you ever sat

through a conversation in which a relative kept repeating the same bor-

ing stories and you couldn’t get a word in edgewise? Simply talking isn’t

always effective on its own. To communicate effectively, you also need to

be thoughtful about what you are saying, remain silent at times, and use

listening skills and appropriate nonverbal behaviors.

c Do body movements (often called “body language”) constitute a

language? As you will learn in Chapter 4, nonverbal communication

is important and useful, but there is no direct translation for what body

movements mean. Because nonverbal communication can be interpreted

in many different ways, it is not a true language.

c Is more control necessarily better in communication? Although we

admire people who can articulate their point of view, if we think they are

trying to trick us or force us, we resist what they are saying. A candidate’s

speech may be beautifully crafted with clever slogans, for example, but he

still can’t make you vote for him.

c Are most communication behaviors inborn and entirely natural? No.

Although we are certainly born with some ability to communicate, most

of the skills we need to be effective communicators must be learned—

otherwise, we’d go through life crying whenever we needed something.

The best communicators never stop learning.

c Is speaking well more important than listening? If you talk and nobody

listens, has communication taken place? No—because communication is

a two-way street (even when you are just talking to yourself!), and listening

is a crucial part of the process.

Many of us believe that we can rely on our own common sense to guide us,

even though we think that other people’s common sense fails them miserably

(Watts, 2011). Don’t fall for the commonsense “trap.” Realize that communi-

cation takes work, adaptation, and careful attention to the situation.

BOX 1.1

COMMUNICATION IS

NOT JUST COMMON

SENSE

Consider a communication

situation in which you played

a part today. What was your

communication goal? Were

you up front and honest

about your goal or did you

keep your goal largely to

yourself? For example, if

you wanted to get your

roommate to clean the

mess in the kitchen, did you

state this directly or did you

complain about the mess

without making a request?

AND YOU?