Real Communication An Introduction

16 Part 1  Basic Communication Processes

dramatic-grieving-parent interview”; cartoons depicted young people

going in one door of the club and coming out another escorted by

death with a scythe (Xersenesky, 2013). Appropriate care and tact

for the victims and their families were inappropriately ignored in the

rush to share sensationalist stories.

Successful communicators know what is and isn’t appropriate in

a variety of situations. Moreover, they have behavioral flexibility:

the ability to use a number of different behaviors depending on

the situation. So while you might love to talk about politics or

your grades when you’re with your friends, you might decide that

these topics aren’t appropriate during Passover dinner at your aunt’s

house.

Effective Behavior

Behaving appropriately is not enough in itself. Competent commu-

nication must also be effective—it must help you meet your goals.

This can be challenging, because it’s not always easy to know what

messages will work best—and you may have more than one goal

(Canary, Cody, & Smith, 1994). For example, Travis and his fiancée,

Leah, are arguing over whose family they will visit over the July 4th

long weekend. Travis has conflicting goals: he wants to see his family

for the holiday, but he also wants Leah to be happy.

If you have some knowledge of your communication partner’s

expectations, you can more easily determine which messages will be more effec-

tive than others. If Travis knows that Leah would like to spend the holiday with

her family because she wants to see her elderly grandmother, he might suggest

that they spend the four-day weekend with his family but their weeklong August

vacation with her family. In addition, prioritizing your goals can help you con-

struct effective messages. If Leah knows that her grandmother is ailing, she may

decide that going home for July 4th is a more important goal than pleasing Tra-

vis. She can then tell him that she’s sorry to let him down but that she absolutely

must return home.

Communication behavior that is effective in one setting might not be suit-

able in others. For example, many students feel that their best teachers are those

who are organized and logical (Kramer & Pier, 1999). But if your roommate

handed you a detailed schedule of what you should do every day in your apart-

ment during the upcoming semester, you might find this behavior strange and

annoying.

Competent Communication Involves

Communication Skills

Having exemplary skills in one area does not make someone competent overall:

your mechanic may work wonders on your car, but that doesn’t mean he can

give you a great haircut. The same idea is true for great communicators: a politi-

cian who delivers a great speech may falter during a debate or interview; a social

worker who conveys instructions clearly to her staff may have trouble clarifying

her points during a meeting with the hospital board.

JUSTIN BIEBER’S
ENTRY in the guestbook
at the Anne Frank House
showed a disregard for
cultural norms and rules.
Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images

CONNECT

The relational context

usually determines how

much information you are

willing to share (or self-

disclose) with another

individual. In Chapter 7,

you’ll learn more about

why it’s competent to avoid

telling your manager about

the fight you had with your

significant other but why

it might enhance intimacy

to share such information

with your close friend or

sibling.