Chapter 1 Communication: Essential Human Behavior 23The Communicators
The most obvious elements in any communication are the communicators them-
selves. When sending and receiving messages, each communicator is influenced
by cognitions, the thoughts they have about themselves and others, including
their understanding and awareness of who they are (smart, funny, compassion-
ate), how well they like themselves, and how successful they think they are. We
discuss this in depth in Chapter 2. For now, just understand that your cognitions
influence your behavior when you communicate. Behavior is observable com-
munication, including verbal messages (words) and nonverbal messages (facial
expressions, body movements, clothing, gestures). Your cognitions are encoded
into the messages you send, which are then decoded by your communication
partner into his or her own cognitions that influence the interpretation of your
message and the preparation of feedback to you.
This constant cycle can be seen in the following example. Devon knows
that he’s a good student, but he struggles with math and science courses. This
embarrasses him because his mother is a doctor and his brother is an engineer.
He rarely feels like he will succeed in these areas. He tells his friend Kayla that he
can’t figure out why he failed his recent physics exam because he studied for days
beforehand. When he says this, his eyes are downcast and he looks angry. Kayla
receives and decodes Devon’s message, and because she prides herself on being a
good listener and not reacting overly emotionally, she encodes and sends a feed-
back message of her own: she calmly asks whether Devon contacted his physics
professor or an academic tutor for extra help. Devon receives and decodes Kayla’s
message in light of his own cognitions about being a poor science student. He
notices that Kayla made very direct eye contact, didn’t smile, and didn’t express
sympathy. He concludes that she is accusing him of not working hard enough.
He sends feedback of his own—his eyes are large and his arms are crossed and he
loudly and sarcastically states, “Right, yeah, I guess I was just too dumb to think
about that.”
Because communication situations have so many “moving parts,” they can vary
greatly. More successful communicators often have a high degree of cognitive
complexity. That is, they can consider multiple scenarios, formulate multiple
theories, and make multiple interpretations when encoding and decoding
messages. In this case, both Kayla and Devon could have considered other pos-
sible interpretations and responses to be more competent communicators.
The Relational Context
As we discussed earlier, from mundane business transactions to intimate discus-
sions, all communication occurs within the context of a relationship. In the com-
petent communication model, this relational context is represented by the inner
sphere in Figure 1.3. A kiss, for example, has a different meaning when bestowed
on your mother than it does when shared with your romantic partner. When you
make a new acquaintance, saying “Let’s be friends” can be an exciting invitation
to get to know someone new, but the same message shared with someone you’ve
been dating for a year shuts down intimacy. The relationship itself is influenced
by its past history as well as both parties’ expectations for the current situation
and for the future.
Recall a communication
situation in which you felt
uncomfortable. Perhaps
you were thinking that your
partner disapproved of you
or of what you were saying
or doing. What were your
thoughts (cognitions) about
yourself? About your partner?
What could you say or do
to clarify the situation? What
kind of feedback would be
most effective?AND YOU?