NAME: Lisa M. Turay, CSJ
OCCUPATION: Woman Religious, Women’s Wellness CounselorCall me “Lisa.” That’s
how I introduce myself
to all the mothers I
counsel at our women’s
wellness clinic. I don’t hide the fact that I am a
Catholic nun—Sister Lisa is clearly on my name
badge—but I like to give clients the choice to call
me by either name. After all, focusing strongly on
my status in religious life invokes a set of percep-
tions on the part of clients that they may or may
not find comfortable. Given the highly personal and
deeply emotional situations we discuss, my client’s
comfort is my top priority.
I’ve always enjoyed working with children
and teens and was excited to expand my coun-
seling skills by working with mothers and babies.
As I learned from my undergraduate commu-
nication courses and my graduate counseling
courses, a good counselor doesn’t need to be
“the same” as his or her clients or have experi-
enced what they’ve experienced; rather, he or
she needs to practice the communication skills
of perspective-taking and empathic listening.
By doing so, I am able to help my clients get
through some of the most stressful times in their
lives: having babies, losing babies, and dealing
with personal and family stresses surrounding
babies.
Pregnant and postpartum (after-birth) women
experience a wide range of physical and emo-
tional changes. Imbalanced hormones coupled
with physical challenges (like lack of sleep or
impaired mobility) can reduce a woman to tears.
Postpartum women often need to be reminded
to eat well, attend to personal hygiene, and sleep
when the baby sleeps. They are often exhausted
and overwhelmed; week 3 or 4 after the birth of a
child is like hitting the wall when you run—but by
week 6, most can see the “finish line.” I help these
women adjust their sometimes negative thinking
about their current situations. There are so many
schemas surrounding babies and parenthood.
Negative ones like “I’m a bad mother because the
baby keeps crying” or “I’ll never sleep again” need
to be challenged. Seeing moms come to termswith realistic perceptions about parenthood—and
begin to adjust to this new phase of life—is one of
the most rewarding parts of my job.
Unfortunately, grief counseling is a neces-
sary and very difficult part of my job. The loss of
a pregnancy (particularly past the first trimester)
and the death of a newborn are among the most
difficult things an individual can face in adult life.
Well-meaning friends and family members some-
times rely on mindless scripts of what to say in
such situations (for example, “Oh, it was probably
for the best” or “These things happen for a rea-
son”). Too many times women hear, “Oh, you’re
young; you can have another child” when they
are thinking, “Did I do something wrong? Am I fit
to be a mother?” My job is not to sugarcoat the
pain or offer false assurances, but rather to give
these women a safe space to grieve, to be silent,
and to ask questions. They need support and an
understanding about the process of grief.
I also work closely with moms and expectant
moms—and sometimes their entire family units—
on issues related to self-concept, self-esteem,
and self-efficacy. For example, some women and
men fear that they won’t be “good” parents or
they have trouble seeing themselves in the paren-
tal role. Sometimes they’re overwhelmed by the
idea of change; sometimes they’re paralyzed by
unrealistic expectations of perfection or a fear of
failure. I help them walk through these thoughts
and encourage them to seek out reassurance
and realistic expectations. For example, some
expectant fathers fear that the baby will replace
them in the eyes of the mother; sometimes just
expressing this concern to the expectant mom in
a productive way can diminish this worry.
The most enjoyable and satisfying part of
my job is when women come to me early on
in pregnancy, and I get to make the journey
with them. Many women bring their babies in
when they have their three-week and six-week
postpartum checkups so that we can share in
their joy. My counseling allows me to participate
in the transformation to new life: a privilege that
words cannot describe.real communicator
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