Chapter 2 Perceiving the Self and Others 53Self-Actualization
The most positive evaluation you can make about your competence level is
referred to as self-actualization—the feelings and thoughts you get when you
know that you have negotiated a communication situation as well as you possi-
bly could. At times like these, you have a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. For
example, Shari, a school psychologist, was having problems with the third-grade
teacher of one of the students she counsels. The teacher seemed uninterested in
the student’s performance, would not return Shari’s phone calls or e-mails, and
seemed curt and aloof when they did speak. Shari finally decided to confront the
teacher. Although she was nervous at first about saying the right thing, she later
felt very good about the experience. The teacher had seemed shocked at the criti-
cism but offered an apology. At the end of the meeting, Shari was quite content
that she had been honest and assertive, as well as fair and understanding. This
positive assessment of her behavior led to a higher level of self-esteem. When
Shari needs to confront someone in the future, she will likely feel more confident
about doing so.
Self-Adequacy
At times you may think that your communication performance was not stellar,
but it was good enough. When you assess your communication competence as
sufficient or acceptable, you feel a sense of self-adequacy, which is less intensely
positive than self-actualization. Feelings of self-adequacy can lead you in two
directions: toward contentment or toward a desire for self-improvement.
Suppose that Phil has been working hard to improve his public
speaking abilities and does a satisfactory job when he speaks to his fra-
ternity about its goals for charitable work in the coming year. He might
feel very satisfied about his speech, but he realizes that with a little more
effort and practice, he could have been even more persuasive. In this
case, Phil’s reaction is one of self-improvement. He tells himself that he
wants to be more competent in his communication, regardless of his
current level.
Although self-improvement is a good motivation, in some circum-
stances being satisfied or content with your self-adequacy is sufficient.
For example, Lilia has a long history of communication difficulties with
her mother. Their relationship is characterized by sarcastic and unkind
comments and interactions. But during her last visit home, Lilia and her
mother managed to not get into an argument. So Lilia felt good about her
communication with her mom. The two didn’t become best friends or
resolve all their old problems, but Lilia thought she communicated well
under the circumstances. She was content with her self-adequacy.
Self-Denigration
The most negative assessment you can make about a communication
experience is self-denigration: criticizing or attacking yourself. This
occurs most often when communicators overemphasize their weaknesses
Think about a communica-
tion situation in your own
life in which you believe that
you achieved self-adequacy.
Were you content with the
outcome of the situation,
or did you still desire more
self-improvement? Why? Is
it possible to feel both con-
tentment as well as a desire
for self-improvement in your
communication situation?AND YOU?
SELF-DENIGRATING
BEHAVIORS can only hurt
your performance, so the next
time you feel like saying to
yourself “I’ll never be able to
understand calculus” instead
try thinking “Let’s see if I can
figure this out!” Irina Zolina/
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