Real Communication An Introduction

54 Part 1  Basic Communication Processes

or shortcomings (“I knew I’d end up fumbling over my words and repeating

myself—I am such a klutz!”). Most self-denigration is unnecessary and

unwarranted. Even more important, it prevents real improvement. Hunter,

for example, thinks that his sister is stubborn and judgmental and that he

cannot talk to her. He says, “I always lose it with her, and I yell at her because

there is nothing I can say that she will listen to!” Rather than just accepting

the idea that nothing he says will ever “work,” Hunter needs to assess his com-

munication behaviors more reasonably: what specific words and nonverbal

behaviors (like eye rolling) might he have used with his sister when she “didn’t

listen”? What were some different communication behaviors he used during

times when he actually had positive interactions with his sister? Hunter can

also plan for communication improvement (“Next time, I will not raise my

voice, and I will look at and listen to my sister until she is finished talking,

before I say anything back to her”). Thus, our assessments of our competence

run from self-actualization on the positive end of the spectrum to self-deni-

gration on the negative end (see Figure 2.4).

Positive

Self-Actualization

Self-Adequacy

Self-Denigration

COMPETENCE ASSESSMENT

Negative

FIGURE 2.4
ASSESSING OUR
PERCEPTIONS OF SELF

CONNECT

To avoid self-denigration,
consider the situational
and relational contexts dis-
cussed in Chapter 1. You
may judge yourself harshly
for not communicating as
easily with your aunt Irma as
you do with your friend Joe,
but different environments—
as well as unique relational
histories with different in-
dividuals—make that goal.
Rather, assess your com-
munication with your aunt
in light of the constraints of
that particular relationship
and situation. Behavior: Managing Our Identities

As you’ve learned, you define yourself through your self-concept and your ideas

about self-esteem and self-efficacy. But you also make decisions about how to

share these internal viewpoints with others. This is manifested in your verbal and

nonverbal behaviors.

We all have aspects of ourselves that we want to share and aspects that we

would rather keep private. Many of the choices we make in our communication

behavior, from the clothes we wear to the way we speak, are determined by how

we want others to perceive us. In this section, we consider how we let the world

know just who we think we are and how our communication with others can

shape their perceptions of us.

Let’s examine the process illustrated in Figure 2.5 for a moment. At the

core of this process is the self. The self has cognitions that consist of self-

concept (knowing and understanding the self ), self-esteem (evaluating the

self ), and self-efficacy (predicting the self ’s success)—all of which we’ve dis-

cussed. These cognitions influence our verbal and nonverbal behaviors, which