Chapter 2 Perceiving the Self and Others 57to impress people. Perhaps you have experienced social media users who brag about
being at a great party for the “benefit” of the people who aren’t there (Harmon,
2011). And consider those who ineffectually disguise bragging over social media by
self-denigrating (“Can’t seem to fit into those size two jeans, despite my daily work-
outs”)—on Twitter they’ve earned their own hashtag: #humblebrag.
By contrast, competent communicators will monitor their self-presentation
just enough to present themselves effectively but without forgetting that com-
munication involves others. They also know that you can’t control what others do
around you that may affect your efforts to present yourself effectively—includ-
ing what your friends post on your Facebook timeline!
Self-Disclosure
Angelica is a stylish dresser; has a lovely apartment in Austin, Texas; eats out
at nice restaurants regularly; and drives a new car. But she has a secret: she
is drowning in debt, barely keeping up with her minimum credit card pay-
ments. She looks around at her friends, all the same age as she and living simi-
lar lifestyles. She wonders if they make more money than she does or if they,
too, are over their heads in debt. One night while she’s having coffee with her
best friend, Tonya, Angelica comes clean about her situation: she can’t go on
their upcoming trip to Cozumel, she tells Tonya, because her credit cards are
maxed out.
When you reveal yourself to others by sharing information about
yourself—as Angelica has done with Tonya—you engage in self-disclosure.
Voluntary self-disclosure functions to develop ordinary social relationships
(Antaki, Barnes, & Leudar, 2005) but has more impact or creates more inti-
macy if it goes below surface information (Tamir & Mitchell, 2012). For
example, telling someone that you like snacking on raw vegetables is surface
information, but explaining to them why you became a vegetarian is deeper
self-disclosure.
Self-disclosure can help you confirm your self-concept or improve your self-
esteem; it can also enable you to obtain reassurance or comfort from a trusted
friend (Miller, Cooke, Tsang, & Morgan, 1992). For example, Angelica might
suspect that Tonya is also living on credit; if Tonya discloses that she is, her
confession might reassure Angelica that it’s OK to buy things she can’t afford
on credit because everyone else is doing it. However, if Tonya reveals that she
makes more money than Angelica, or that she manages her money more wisely,
Angelica’s self-concept may incur some damage. As you may remember from
Chapter 1, information you receive about your self is termed feedback. The feed-
back Angelica receives from Tonya will be in response to her self-disclosure. That
same feedback—and how she interprets it—will also influence Angelica’s percep-
tion of herself.
How you incorporate feedback into the self depends on several factors.
One of the most important factors is your sensitivity level to feedback.
Research demonstrates that some individuals are highly sensitive, whereas
others are largely unaffected by the feedback they receive (Edwards, 1990).
Presumably, people who are more sensitive to feedback are susceptible
The process we use to
choose the information we
are willing to share with
others has long fascinated
researchers. In Chapter 7,
we examine the social pen-
etration theory, which uses
an onion as a metaphor to
show how we move from
superficial confessions to
more intimate ones. Your
outer “layer” might consist
of disclosure about where
you are from, but as you
peel away the layers, your
disclosures become more
personal.CONNECT