FRIDAY, APRIL 3, 2020 | THE GLOBE AND MAILO A
I
t’s 9:40 on Saturday morning and I have been up
for three hours and 10 minutes toiling around
the house. I have been listening to my husband’s
staccato alarm ringing at increasing decibels ev-
ery 15 minutes over the last two hours and 40 min-
utes. I return to the bedroom and see the rubber
mallet on my night table. I admit that this is a weird
bedside accoutrement, but yesterday I was trying
(unsuccessfully) to hammer a picture frame back
together.
I tap Eric on the arm with the mallet. Amazingly,
he remains inert. I tap him a little more rigorously,
this time on the forehead. “How has this man not
divorced me?” I wonder. Groggy, eyes closed, he
manages a smile and a grunt before rolling over and
falling back asleep.
It’s now 11 a.m. To manage my pandemic anxiety,
I have done two loads of laundry, written part of a
report and entertained the idea of colour-coding
our socks. I realize that I am running out of things to
do, which is terrifying. I have applied green painter’s
tape to all the scratches on our floors. My handsome
and well-rested husband has now
been up for roughly an hour. His glass-
es are resting precariously on his fore-
head and he is holding his phone
within an inch of his eyes. He is squint-
ing and scrolling, taking the occasion-
al break to sip his coffee. His feet are
up on the coffee table, a tab of green
tape is stuck on his holey sock. Our
cat, Farfel, purrs happily on his lap.
“When can we oil the floors?!” I ask,
not for the first time and with a tone of
frustration and unwarranted urgency.
He smiles indulgently, takes a luxuri-
ous stretch and applies some moisturizer to his
scaly red hands that he washed “70 times” yester-
day. (I guess we both have our hangups. Arguably, at
this juncture, his OCD is far more adaptive than
mine.) I am unable to hide my contempt over his
idleness as I stomp off to organize our socks. “So
nice that he is still able to enjoy such repose during
the damn apocalypse,” my inner martyr grumbles.
It’s now noon and I find myself pacing, caffeine-
intoxicated, in front of my computer. I attempt to
organize not our socks but rather my paradoxical
feelings of irritability, fear and acute boredom. My
shoulders relax as the more objective parts of me
parcel out what is going on with our love during the
time of COVID-19.
Despite our differences, Eric and I love each other
deeply. He embraces my workaholism and high-
voltage personality. I usually appreciate and, at
times, envy his capacity to sit still and enjoy the mo-
ment. There is no one I’d rather be jailed with. Evo-
lutionarily, our attachment systems program us to
seek proximity, comfort and connection from our
loved ones. We are especially wired to seek this secu-
rity during tough times. And Eric is tremendously
comforting – when I don’t want to gouge out his eye-
balls.
As a psychologist, I get what’s going on here. As a
human, I am far from emotionally impervious.Most of us don’t respond well to ambiguity, lack of
personal control or lack of freedom – all of which
this pandemic seems to underscore in spades. Most
of us in the developed world likely haven’t appre-
ciated how much freedom and self-determination
we have been afforded until we are denied it. We
have become substantially more siloed over time.
Seeing people is a choice. Most of us have places to
go and things to do. Going to work typically pro-
vides couples a buffer, a sense of self and some au-
tonomy. Co-isolation has ground this, and all sense
of normalcy, to a halt. We are no longer engaging in
activities that once gave us a sense of routine, pur-
pose, control and exposure to other humans. We
have been denuded from structures that have given
us an autonomous sense of self and diluted the dos-
age of our relationships.
We are now not only forced to deal with the terri-
fying existential and economic threats of this pan-
demic, but we also have time to face feelings from
which we conveniently have had the luxury to be
distracted. We are faced squarely with our intraper-
sonal conflicts and interpersonal dif-
ferences. During times of stress, we
humans have been known to displace
our negative emotions onto some-
thing tangible or someone proximal.
Not speaking personally, of course,
but we might develop more acute sen-
sitivity to mundane things like the
sound of our partner’s chewing,
breathing or nose whistle. Hypotheti-
cally, our partners might find they
have a growing frustration with our
subpar dishwashing prowess or per-
ceived lack of vigorous handwashing.
This lockdown also has the potential to be a rather
unsexy time. It is all too easy to fall into a pit of de-
spair, and it might be tempting to remain unbathed,
unkempt, pyjama-clad and face down in a tub of our
favourite flavour of ice cream (provided we can get
to the store and find it stocked). Right now, like us, I
suspect that even the most connected couples can
sometimes find themselves feeling as if they have
an indeterminate detention and a cellmate rather
than a soulmate.
It’s now 1:30 p.m. Man, these days feel long. I have
no surfaces left to clean. I tried a yoga arm-balanc-
ing video on YouTube made by a pert and nubile
youngster, and I found my pretzeled, middle-aged
body stuck, requiring a bemused Eric to help disen-
tangle my limbs. Now that I have written this reflec-
tion, I am also a little less internally contorted. Eric is
now making us breakfast (?!) and whistling. Despite
my immense agitation, I realize something is hap-
pening here. I am acutely aware of the dialectic of
time: our potentially imminent mortality, coupled
with an excess of free time and fewer things to do.
Perhaps this is not an internment, but an opportu-
nity. Perhaps it is time to take a lesson out of Eric’s
playbook and appreciate the moments and pleasur-
es that can be derived – after we oil the floors.JulieGoldensonlivesinToronto.FROMSOULMATES
TOCELLMATES
ILLUSTRATIONBYCHELSEAO’BYRNEWithmoretimeonmyhandsandnowhereelsetogo,Ican’thelpnoticing
moredisparitiesbetweenmyselfandmyhusband,JulieGoldensonwritesFIRST PERSONMostofusdon’t
respondwellto
ambiguity,lackof
personalcontrolor
lackoffreedom–
allofwhichthis
pandemicseems
tounderscorein
spades.Haveastorytotell?Pleaseseetheguidelinesonourwebsitetgam.ca/essayguide,
[email protected]FirstPersonisadailypersonalpiecesubmittedbyreadersNEWS |I
nNever Rarely Sometimes Always, the new award-winning
feature from American indie filmmaker Eliza Hittman,
the camera is focused on 17-year-old protagonist Autumn
(Sidney Flanigan). Close-ups reveal Flanigan’s reflective,
steely eyes, which flicker subtly as she internalizes the emo-
tional roller-coaster experience of getting an abortion. Au-
tumn does not have much support at home for her adolescent
troubles. Whether she is enduring slut-shaming from her for-
mer lover or the painful realization she is pregnant, the intro-
verted Autumn knows better than to confide in her negligent
parents. She does find one avenue of support, in her cousin
Skylar (Talia Ryder). When Skylar asks why she visited the
doctor, Autumn’s reply is terse: “Girl problems.”
Skylar understands that is code for “pregnancy,” and be-
comes a vital aide for Autumn throughout her long, unneces-
sarily complicated process of procuring an abortion, which
involves crossing state lines and multiple nights in New York.
Hittman’s third feature nabbed the Silver Bear Jury Grand
Prix at Berlinale and the U.S. Dramatic Special Jury Award at
Sundance this year, and the reason the film has been praised
for its effective drama lies in its Sisyphean depiction of what
should be a straightforward medical procedure. In her home
state of Pennsylvania, Autumn requires parental permission
for an abortion – out of the question, given her aloof relation-
ship with Mom and Dad – so she and Skylar bus to New York to
get it done with Autumn’s autonomy intact.
Easy, right? Not when you’re a broke teenager. After steal-
ing money from their slimy grocery-store boss to finance the
trip, Autumn and her cousin face one complication after an-
other. What was meant as a day trip for the cash-strapped pair
becomes a logistical nightmare when they have to stay over-
night with nowhere to sleep and dwindling funds.
Neveris not exactly a direct political statement, but Hitt-
man subtly obliges the viewer to contemplate the needless
systemic complications Autumn faces in making and under-
going an already difficult decision that every woman should
have the right to make on her own. When NYC health profes-
sionals discover Autumn’s pregnancy is further along than
what the Pennsylvania clinic had determined, this changes
the type of operation required and the location where she can
have it done, prolonging the ordeal by days and adding un-
necessary strain on the teenagers.
Another subtle theme inNeveris the transactional nature
of Autumn and Skylar’s relationships with men. Despite their
young age, the two are quite jaded and pragmatic about what
men seem to expect from them (sex, inappropriate physical
touching, imbalanced power dynamics) and how they can ex-
ploit those wants for their own survival. Their logic appears to
be: If men use and abuse us, we should be able to exploit other
men to help us out of the mess they put us in.
Hittman adeptly demonstrates how the operational break-
down of the trip drains Autumn’s emotional fuel tank, which
was already running on fumes. By the end, the film has deliv-
ered its key message: A woman’s abortion experience differs
drastically depending on the kind of support she receives
from health professionals and loved ones. The patronizing
nurse in Pennsylvania who tries to guilt Autumn into keeping
the baby demoralizes her into shutting down emotionally.
The empathetic New York nurse, on the other hand, who asks
Autumn personal questions about sexual violence, could be
the teen’s gateway to finally understanding that she does not
have to endure such a difficult experience by herself.
Neverhints at the quiet, revolutionary nature of empathy
and autonomy in empowering young women to keep them-
selves safe.
SpecialtoTheGlobeandMail
NeverRarelySometimesAlwaysisavailableondemandstarting
April
Abortiondramaisaquietly
devastatinglookatwomen’s
health,andempathy
TINA HASSANNIA
REVIEWNever Rarely Sometimes Always
CLASSIFICATION:PG;101MINUTES
WrittenanddirectedbyElizaHittman
StarringSidneyFlanigan,TaliaRyderandSharonVanEtten
★★★½
A
lthough movie theatres are shuttered and it’s an
open question as to when studios might release
their largest 2020 blockbusters digitally – or if they’ll
hold onto those tentpoles until, say, next year – it’s
currently a boom time for digitally distributed Jesse Eisen-
berg movies. On March 27, the Eisenberg-starring dark come-
dyVivariumpremiered on Apple TV and on demand, and on
March 31, the Eisenberg vehicleResistancemade its way on-
line, too. With both projects, though, we’re a long way from
The Social Network.
You can read myVivariumtake elsewhere, but at least that
lacklustre film had a defining vision. The Second World War
dramaResistance, however, possesses a style that can be
summed up as simply formulaic. You’ve seen this type of
fight-back movie before, many, many times, and its one novel
element – its hero is French mime Marcel Marceau, who, it
turns out, fought for the French Jewish Resistance as a teen-
ager – is a figure so nearly lost to time that there’s little com-
pelling material for contemporary audiences to embrace.
Eisenberg does an admirable job porting his typically
nervous energy into Marceau, a man who’s not portrayed as a
full-blooded hero so much as a sincere, if naive, nebbish con-
stantly wrestling with his fears and doubts. The same praise
can’t quite be directed to his co-stars, though, including the
wildly unrestrained eyes-bulging psychopathy that Matthias
Schweighofer brings to Nazi commander Klaus Barbie. Ed
Harris, who pops up briefly as General George S. Patton, eas-
ily radiates gravitas, but his appearance is rendered useless
by a framing device that’s revealed as supremely silly, rather
than the heartfelt vibe that I can only assume writer-director
Jonathan Jakubowicz was originally aiming for.
ResistanceisavailableonAppleTVnow
Eisenbergvehiclemines,
andmimes,afamiliarstory
BARRY HERTZ
OPINIONResistance
CLASSIFICATION:R;120MINUTES
WrittenanddirectedbyJonathanJakubowicz
StarringJesseEisenberg,ClémencePoésyandEdHarris
★★
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