loved by anyone?” was Cicero’s question some two thousand years
ago. It echoes on down to us, still true forever.
Even paragons of stillness struggle with what connection and
dependence might mean for their careers. Marina Abramović gave a
controversial interview in 2016 where she explained her choice to
stay single and not to have children. That would have been a disaster
for her art, she said. “One only has limited energy in the body, and I
would have had to divide it.”
Nonsense.
Nonsense that has been internalized by countless driven and
ambitious people.
How well they would do to take even a cursory look at history and
literature. German chancellor Angela Merkel has been tirelessly
supported by her husband, a man she has described as vital to her
success, and upon whose advice she depends. Gertrude Stein was
tirelessly supported by her life partner, Alice B. Toklas. Madame
Curie was long cynical about love, until she met Pierre, whom she
married and with whom she collaborated and ultimately won a Nobel
Prize. What about the dedication to On Liberty, John Stuart Mill’s
greatest work, where he calls his wife “inspirer, and in part the
author, of all that is best in my writings”? The rapper J. Cole has said
that the best thing he ever did as a musician was become a husband
and a father. “There was no better decision I could have made,” he
said, “than the discipline I put on myself of having responsibility,
having another human being—my wife—that I have to answer to.”
Stillness is best not sought alone. And, like success, it is best
when shared. We all need someone who understands us better than
we understand ourselves, if only to keep us honest.
Relationships are not a productivity hack, though understanding
that love and family are not incompatible with any career is a
breakthrough. It is also true that the single best decision you can
make in life, professionally and personally, is to find a partner who
complements and supports you and makes you better and for whom
you do the same. Conversely, choosing partners and friends who do
the opposite endangers both career and happiness.
Life without relationships, focused solely on accomplishment, is
empty and meaningless (in addition to being precarious and fragile).
barry
(Barry)
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