Piker
Verbatim
“The past is certain,
the future obscure.”- Thales of Miletus, Greek mathematician
(624BC - 546BC)
On margin
Naval @naval
Michael Bloomberg proved that it’s
cheaper to buy a President than it is
to buy the Presidency.Olwethu Sipuka @osipuka
#Coronavirus is here. Let’s not forget
to pay @AVBOBSA.Man Mkwanazi @ImanMkwanazi
I’m not mad at corruption, it happens
all over the world. I’m mad at people
stealing 80% and using 20% for the
country – I wouldn’t even notice you
were stealing if the basics were in
order. My goodness.Daily Mirror @DailyMirror
Princess Charlotte already speaks
two languages at just two-years-old.
Nokuthula Mavuso @NoxNonozi
Her age mates in Orlando East,
Soweto, are on four.James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn
@XplodingUnicorn
4-year-old: *writes out the alphabet*
Me: You’re missing a few letters.
4-YO: I got rid of the dumb ones.Simon Grindrod @SimonPGrindrod
I have no idea why some people
think stock-piling toilet paper is an
essential precautionary measure in
the face of a global pandemic.Swedish Canary @SwedishCanary
If we had a vaccine for coronavirus
half of you wouldn’t get it anyway
so calm down, wash your hands 20
seconds and be quiet.Don’t be stupid
This issue’s isiZulu word is impilo. Impilo
is life. Impilo is wonderful.
How many of your peers’ dads died
in their 40s? Quite a few. YOU are in
your 40s now. Don’t do that to your
kids, guy.
Go to the doctor/clinic and test for
blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes
and prostate cancer. You can even do
it at Clicks. It also helps to cut down
on the booze. Working out is also good.
Eat your veggies and cut down on
the meat. Eating lots of meat doesn’t
make you manly. Nothing will make
you manly, Tshepo. You will always be
Tshepo who got his head stuck through
the fence at school. Kidding, you are
man enough.
Anyway, real men eat their veggies
and fruit. They also drink water. Lots
of it. They wash their hands often.
Pap is colonialism in a pot. Ooh, don’t
forget the salt. That thing is a killer. You
obviously shouldn’t drink and drive or
have unprotected sex.
And for heaven’s sake, meditate.
Take a few minutes out of your day
to just sit in silence and pull yourself
towards yourself. It does wonders.
There is nothing wrong with seeing
a social worker or therapist. Seriously.
Talk to somebody. Things are tough and
getting help doesn’t make you weak.
Real men stay alive because
they refuse to get killed by stupid
masculinity. That nonsense is not
manly. South Africans, particularly
men, are dying of non-communicable
(lifestyle) diseases at an alarming rate.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
The above obviously applies to
women too.
I know Melusi’s Everyday Zulu is
always about laughs, but right now, we
are faced with a serious situation and
we must take it seriously. I hope I didn’t
depress, but I want you to live.- Melusi’s #everydayzulu by Melusi Tshabalala
@finweek finweek finweekmagazine finweek^ 19 March 2020^47