LOOKING BACKin The Daily Herald was largely about pleasing one’s
chap. But, by the 1980s, she was replying to letters
on abortion, drug addiction and birth control, quietly
bringing taboo out into the open in a bid to change
the lives of women for the better (and probably
sending you ‘a pamphlet’, too).
A couple of decades behind Marje came Claire
Rayner: a cuddly ‘proper auntie’ of a woman. But
also a woman with whom there was Absolutely No
Messing, and who was famously the first person to
demonstrate putting on a condom on pre-watershed
television. At the height of her popularity, Rayner
received more than a thousand letters a week.
And she answered every single one.
Many of these late 20th-century Agony Queens –
Kurtz, Proops, Rayner, and more – share something
in common: they’re all Jewish. Is there something
about Jewish women in particular that makes them
wonderful agony aunts? “You don’t have to be Jewish
to be an agony aunt, but it certainly helps!” quips
Hilary Freeman, a writer and one-time agony aunt
for The Jewish Chronicle. “Persecution means you
might be thrown out of wherever you live, you might
lose all your possessions, but your wisdom and
knowledge and experience can never be taken away,
so it’s something we keep and pass down... Discussing
things and being frank are very Jewish traits.”NEW TIMES, OLD PROBLEMS
And a frank discussion was what was required.
From the 70s and 80s, when sex was permissible
(though discouraged) and drugs seemed to be around
every corner (if you were in Grange Hill), a younger
audience was in need of aunts, too; to tell them how to
pluck eyebrows, kiss boys and navigate the maze that
is puberty. Enter the likes of ‘Dear Cathy & Claire’.
Cathy and Claire in fact never existed; the letters
were answered by a succession of staff writers on
Jackie magazine, but to readers they were the big
sisters they never had and they opened their hearts to
them. Gayle Anderson, who was Cathy and Claire for
some years, remembers being sent urine samples for
inspection in Charlie perfume bottles, which seems
beyond the call of duty. Meanwhile, across the UK,
we were reading the problems aloud in dramatic
tones before class, while surreptitiously scouring the
pages to see if our wonky boobs really were normal.
There’s comfort in knowing ‘you’re not alone’.
And it’s comforting to see how little has changed...
Anita Naik was agony aunt ‘Ask Anita’ on Just
Seventeen for a decade in the 90s, and now answers“Despite the passage of
30 years, teen problems
have changed little”
problems at Woman’s O wn magazine. She says,
despite the passage of 30 years, teen problems
change little. “My daughter is a teenager now
and the problems are pretty much what they
were in the 90s: low self-esteem, relationship
worries, pushy parents...” It all sounds very familiar.
But is there a need for a different sort of agony
aunt in today’s more high-tech times? There are
now celebrity versions, which somehow doesn’t seem
in the spirit of the thing, we think. On the
other hand, Mariella Frostrup has been doing
fine Auntwork at The Guardian for 18 years.
It’s like she was born to it.
And obviously, the internet has offered a new
platform for problems, and brought them to a wider
audience. Without the web, we’d never have enjoyed
the acerbic wit of ‘Ask Polly’ (Heather Havrilesky)- lose yourself for an afternoon in her columns
on Ne w Yo rk magazine’s site thecut.com. Then there
are endless agony aunts on YouTube and Instagram.
What will happen to the ‘real world’ aunts now?
“There will also always be room for agony aunts
in print,” says Anita. “People find them fascinating.
And they’re more accessible in print; you don’t have
to go looking for them, you just happen across them.”
So, what one piece of wisdom would an agony aunt
pass on to those of us still reading? “You can’t change
people. But you can change your response to them,”
says Anita, firmly. Now there’s some strong, timeless
advice. John Dunton’s alleged 17th-century mistress
(and his wife) might well take heed.
LOOKING BACK
in The Daily Herald was largely about pleasing one’s
chap. But, by the 1980s, she was replying to letters
on abortion, drug addiction and birth control, quietly
bringing taboo out into the open in a bid to change
the lives of women for the better (and probably
sending you ‘a pamphlet’, too).
A couple of decades behind Marje came Claire
Rayner: a cuddly ‘proper auntie’ of a woman. But
also a woman with whom there was Absolutely No
Messing, and who was famously the first person to
demonstrate putting on a condom on pre-watershed
television. At the height of her popularity, Rayner
received more than a thousand letters a week.
And she answered every single one.
Many of these late 20th-century Agony Queens –
Kurtz, Proops, Rayner, and more – share something
in common: they’re all Jewish. Is there something
about Jewish women in particular that makes them
wonderful agony aunts? “You don’t have to be Jewish
to be an agony aunt, but it certainly helps!” quips
Hilary Freeman, a writer and one-time agony aunt
for The Jewish Chronicle. “Persecution means you
might be thrown out of wherever you live, you might
lose all your possessions, but your wisdom and
knowledge and experience can never be taken away,
so it’s something we keep and pass down... Discussing
things and being frank are very Jewish traits.”NEW TIMES, OLD PROBLEMS
And a frank discussion was what was required.
From the 70s and 80s, when sex was permissible
(though discouraged) and drugs seemed to be around
every corner (if you were in Grange Hill), a younger
audience was in need of aunts, too; to tell them how to
pluck eyebrows, kiss boys and navigate the maze that
is puberty. Enter the likes of ‘Dear Cathy & Claire’.
Cathy and Claire in fact never existed; the letters
were answered by a succession of staff writers on
Jackie magazine, but to readers they were the big
sisters they never had and they opened their hearts to
them. Gayle Anderson, who was Cathy and Claire for
some years, remembers being sent urine samples for
inspection in Charlie perfume bottles, which seems
beyond the call of duty. Meanwhile, across the UK,
we were reading the problems aloud in dramatic
tones before class, while surreptitiously scouring the
pages to see if our wonky boobs really were normal.
There’s comfort in knowing ‘you’re not alone’.
And it’s comforting to see how little has changed...
Anita Naik was agony aunt ‘Ask Anita’ on Just
Seventeen for a decade in the 90s, and now answers“Despite the passage of
30 years, teen problems
have changed little”
problems at Woman’s O wn magazine. She says,
despite the passage of 30 years, teen problems
change little. “My daughter is a teenager now
and the problems are pretty much what they
were in the 90s: low self-esteem, relationship
worries, pushy parents...” It all sounds very familiar.
But is there a need for a different sort of agony
aunt in today’s more high-tech times? There are
now celebrity versions, which somehow doesn’t seem
in the spirit of the thing, we think. On the
other hand, Mariella Frostrup has been doing
fine Auntwork at The Guardian for 18 years.
It’s like she was born to it.
And obviously, the internet has offered a new
platform for problems, and brought them to a wider
audience. Without the web, we’d never have enjoyed
the acerbic wit of ‘Ask Polly’ (Heather Havrilesky)- lose yourself for an afternoon in her columns
on Ne w Yo rk magazine’s site thecut.com. Then there
are endless agony aunts on YouTube and Instagram.
What will happen to the ‘real world’ aunts now?
“There will also always be room for agony aunts
in print,” says Anita. “People find them fascinating.
And they’re more accessible in print; you don’t have
to go looking for them, you just happen across them.”
So, what one piece of wisdom would an agony aunt
pass on to those of us still reading? “You can’t change
people. But you can change your response to them,”
says Anita, firmly. Now there’s some strong, timeless
advice. John Dunton’s alleged 17th-century mistress
(and his wife) might well take heed.