2020-03-23_The_Big_Issue_UserUpload.Net

CULTURE

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HEALTH

awayandemboldeningthem,orlookingforreassurance),isaboutlearningto

livewithuncertaintyandrisk.OCDisself-perpetuating.Handwashingeasesthe

doubt,butitprolongsandamplifiesthesuffering.

WhichmakeslivingwithOCDintheageofcoronaviruscomplicated.Many

OCDpeoplehavespentdecadesresistingwashingtheirhandstoomuch.It’s

quiteliterallytherecommendedtreatment– andnowthey ’resupposedtodo

theopposite?

OneOCDfriendtextedmeyesterdaytoexpresstheirconfusion.“Ijustdon’t

knowwherethelineis,”shesaid.“Howmuchhandwashingistoomuch?I’m

worriedthatif I start,I won’tstop.”Attheheightofherhandwashing,myfriend

wouldwash herhandsuntilherskinwouldcrack andbleed.They,andI,am

terrifiedthey’llreturntodaysthey’dratherforget...ifOCDeverletsaperson

forgetanything.

It’slikelythatcoronaviruswillhavea lastingimpactontheevolutionofOCD.

I learnedintherapythatmyobsessionwithAids– extremelycommoninGenX

typeslikemyself– canbelinkedtotheirresponsibilitywithwhichtheillnesswas

reportedatanagewhenwewereatourmostvulnerable.A therapistoncesaidto

me,“Doyou remembertheiceberg?”andIinstantlyfeltchills. Theywere referring

toanearlypublicinformationfilmairedonBritishtelevisionintheEighties

featuringanicebergcarvedtospelltheword“AIDS”,butwhichmightaswellhave

beenadvertisingtheendtimes.“SomeonewithOCDtalkstomeoncea weekabout

theiceberg,”saidmytherapist.It’slikelyfuture generationsofOCDsuffererswill

speakofcoronavirussimilarly.

MyOCDgroupprobablywon’tmeetthisweek.Gettingsomanypeopleinsuch

asmallroom atthispointintimeislogicallyaterribleidea.Butwe’llbethinkingof

eachother,hopingthebestfor each other, yearning for a better, less confusing and

muchlessterrifyingtime.

@jamesjammcmahon

MuchlikeAidsin theEighties,

coronaviruscouldbeadefining

momentin thelivesofOCD

suferers likeJames McMahon

A clean

break

L

astweek–asfootballfixtureswere

postponed,Europeancountriesbeganto

shuttertheirbordersandtheunpleasant

phrase‘herdimmunity’enteredthe

commonvernacular–asmallroomabovea

communitycentreinWestLondonfeltlikethe

sanestspaceinthecity.ItisherewhereI, and

othersunfortunateenoughtosuffer obsessive

compulsivedisorder,meeteverytwoweeksto

discussourrelationshipwitha disorderthe

WorldHealthOrganizationlistsasoneofthe

world’s 10 mostdebilitating.

“Howiseveryonecopingwiththecoronavirus

news?”saidoneparticipantintheLondon

OCDsupportgroup.There was arelaxedhum.

Somebodyspoke.“I’mfine,”theysaid.“I

prepareforcatastropheeverydayasit is.”It

feltvaguelyinappropriatetocracka smile,

butpeopledidanyway.

Fewmentaldisordersaremisunderstood

likeOCD.Ourillnessisroutinelymockedonthe

popularcraftssiteEtsy(for £15,youtoocan own a

quaintlyoffensiveObsessiveChristmasDisorder

T-shirt),inadvertising(rightatthisvery moment,

SkyisadvertisingoneofitsnewTVpackageswith

thestrap“obsessivecompulsiveviewing”)and

onbreakfasttelevision(lastweek,within30

minutesofrisingandputtingonthebox,I heard

threepeopleusethephrase“I’ma bitOCD”,

when“Iliketokeepthingstidy ”wouldhavebeen

moreappropriate).

I wishI wastidy.I oncebecamesolostin

myobsessionsthatI spenta weeklyinginbed,

thecoverpulledovermyhead,crying,worried

I’dmurderedsomeoneandforgottenaboutit.

Anothertime,asa student,I wokeuponedayand

decidedI wasHIVpositive.I’dcaughtit whenI’d

gota tattoo,I decided.I rangthethenactiveNHS

Directsomanytimestheysighedwhensomeone

pickedupthephoneandrealisedit wasme.I went

forsixAIDStestsinoneyear.I lostmymind.

Mostpeoplehavesomesortofunderstanding

thatOCDhassomethingtodowithhandwashing.

It’sthemostcommonsubsetofthedisorder,with

25percentofAmericansuffererssayingthefear

ofcontaminationiswhatformsthebasisoftheir

obsessionsandcompulsions. Theeasiestway

toexplainwhatgoesthroughanOCDperson’s

cognitiveprocessduringheightenedstatesof

anxiety–thoughIoftenthinkifyoudon’tknow,

youwon’tknow,andI dearlyhopethatyounever

ever havetoknow –istheideathatthesufferer

mustprotectthemselvesfromsomeunseen

enemy.SomuchofOCDisaboutdoubt– its

front-linetreatment,CBT andwhat’sknownas

exposuretherapy(quitesimplytheprocessof

living with thoughts rather than pushing them

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