The Week UK - 29.02.2020

56 The last word

THE WEEK 29 February 2020

SirPhilipGreenwas

dressedinbright

Vilebrequinboardshorts

andabig,white,V-neck

T-shirtwhenIboarded

his208ftmegayacht,

Lionheart,foralonglunch

partyinIbiza.Butlooking

back,atogaandagold

laurel-wreathheadpiece

mighthavebeenmore

appropriate.Thiswasthe

latesummerof 2008 ,the

beginningofthegreat

retailcrash,andherewas

Britain’sschmattaNero

partyingashis once-

fireproof Arcadia empire

beganto smoulder.But

the impendingrecession,

the imminentdemiseof

theBritishhighstreet, the

simmeringBHSpensions

scandal,the allegations,

theycouldallwait. MeandUnclePhil–PGtohisteam–had a

bigexpensivelunchtodevour,winetodrinkandahot,languid

daytowaste.

Greenhadthe crew moor Lionheart inabayjustin frontof

Ibiza’sfamed,oontz-oontz-oontz-ing Blue Marlinbeachclub.As

theanchormotorswhirredusfast tothesandyfloor,he waved

acrosstheglisteningwatertohis son, Brandon, who waspartying

away onanother,smallerboat, Lionchase–asort ofbobbing

bungalowtoDad’socean-going

McMansion.It wasonlymidday

buthousemusicwasblasting

fromthedecks,youngBrandon’s

grinding,bare torsovisible ashe

boogied with abraceofbikinied

loveliesonthe prow.“Russian

girls!”saidGreentriumphantly,beamingwithpaternalpride.

We removed ourselvesfromtheVersace-cushioned banquettes –

all soft furnishingsconceived by Green’s interiordesigner wife,

Tina –and sat down toeat. The20orsoguests around the

huge ,white-linen-clothed tableincluded pop stars (JamesBlunt),

fashionand showbiz people (David Walliams)...andme.

Clairvoyantlyattentive,white-liveriedwaiterstopped up our

flutesof vi ntage rosé champagnewheneverthey go tlessthanhalf

full. Orgiasticportionsofshellfish–langoustine, morelobster,

prawnsthesizeofoven-freshcroi ssants–came presentedon

multi-tieredsilver platters. Walliamsstood up,tapped awine

glassandgestured, heroically solemn and unsmiling,thatatoast

of gratitude should be made. Herais ed afluteand looked to

Green.Weall followed suit. “Tobetter times,” saidWalliams.

Ilaughed so hard that Krugbubbleswentupmynose. Green,

an undeniably generous butcomedically tone-deaf host,looked

confused.Bettertimes... than this? How?

The directorMichaelWinterbottom hasmadeasatire,

Greed,based around Green’smegabuckslifestyle, particularly

his penchantfor huge yachts, celebrity companyand lavish

fancy-dressparties.It

showcasesabad-tempered

andbackhandedworldof

fixers,starwranglers,set

builders,locationmanagers,

charteredjets,tantrumming

Michelin-starredcaterers

anddisgruntled,

overworkedflorists.Most

ofitbasedonfact.Inthe

movie,SteveCooganiscast

asruthlessrag-tradetycoon

SirRichardMcCreadie,

athinlydisguisedparody

ofGreen,butwithfellow

memberof thesuper-rich

eliteRichard Caring’s

dazzling Hollywood

dentistryand luxuriant

Bee Geehair.

Greed’sactionisbased on

McCreadie’sbig(ish) boat,

mooredinMonteCarlo

(where Green himselfisresident), andonthe Greekisland of

Mykonos,wherethefictional fashion magnateisthrowinga60th

birthday partywithRidley Scott’sGladiatoras its themeanda

Romandresscodeobligatory.NormanCook–FatboySlim–

appearsasthe event’sDJ.JamesBluntgetsbungedafew hundred

grandtosinghishitYou’reBeautifulon an acousticguitar.The

film alsohasaChekhov’sgun–theprinciple that everyelement

of atalemust play anactive part init –in theshapeofamoody

lion, broughtalongto theparty asan echo ofoneof themost

famous scenesinGladiator.

It isnotaspo iler torevealthat

the bigcatends upimbibi ng

cocaine, escapingits cage. ..

and eatingtherich.

But Winterbottom’sfilmhas

majorflaws:itsbudgetisn’tbigenough,its lensnotwideenough

an dits boat not longenough to capturethe sheerrubber-necking,

car-crashghastl iness of thesuper-rich atplay. Coogan’s“Greedy”

McCreadie, for instance, baulks at paying£1m to have Rod

Stewartperformathis event. In 2002,the real SirPhilip Green

gla dlyshelled outfor Stewartto singathis 50th.With his retail

empire–Topshop, Miss Selfridge, Burton,Evans–then still

going like gangbusters,the billionaire host flew200guestsout to

aluxehotel in Cyprusandadded TomJones to the entertainment

bill. Green’s 60th wasevenmore extravagant–Kate Hudson,

Kate Moss, Simon Cowell,Leonardo DiCaprioand Naomi

Campbell alljettedtoMexic ofor three days of beachvolleyba ll

andkobebeef burgers with Robbie Williams and Stevie

Wonderonstage. The costumes inGreedare, however,quite

correct. At theso-calledKingoft he HighStreet’ s50th,the guests

were allgussied upin Romantogas, Green himselfstarring as

Emperor Nero.

So,what is it about the super-rich andfancy-dress parties?

Rememberrag-trademagnateturn ed restaurantmult imillionaire

Richard Caring’s 2005,£2.5m series of banquets and balls at

acouple ofSaint Petersburgpalaces,where guestsincluding

Superyachts, celebrities and fancy

dress: how the mega-rich live

Themandus:ElizabethHurley,Green,JackieCaringandBillClinton

Asanewfilmsatirisesthelifestyleofaself-madefashiontycoon,SimonMillsremembers

achampagne-soakeddayaboardPhilipGreen’ssuperyacht,Lionheart

“House music was blasting as Green’s son

boogied withabrace of bikinied lovelies on the

prow. ‘Russian girls!’ said Green triumphantly”