GETTING A GRIP 137Around the world, it is common to use the hands to greet others, al-
though culture dictates variations on how hand greetings are performed,
for how long, and how strong. When I first moved to Utah to attend
Brigham Young University, I was introduced to what fellow BYU stu-
dents called the “Mormon handshake.” This is a very strong and lengthy
handshake used extensively not only by the university students, but also
by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mor-
mons). Over the years that I was there, I noticed how foreign students, in
particular, were often taken aback by this rather overzealous handshake,
because in many cultures, especially in Latin America, the handshake is
mild (some preferring to give an abrazo, as previously mentioned).
Since handshaking is usually the first time that two people actually
touch, it can be a defining moment in their relationship. In addition to be-
ing used to meet and greet, certain people use it to establish dominance. In
the 1980s, much was written about how you could use the handshake to
establish control and dominance by maneuvering the hand this way and
that way, making sure yours was always on top. What a waste of energy!
I don’t recommend hand jousting to create dominance, as our inten-
tions should be to leave positive impressions when we meet others, not
negative ones. If you feel the need to establish dominance, the hands are
not the right way to do so. There are other more powerful tactics, includ-
ing violation of space and eye-gaze behavior, that are more subtle.
I have shaken hands with people who try to establish dominance through
this greeting, and I have always come away with negative feelings. They
didn’t succeed in making me feel inferior, just uncomfortable. There are
also those who insist on touching the inside (ventral) side of your wrist with
their index finger when they shake hands. If it is done to you and you feel
uncomfortable, don’t feel surprised, because most people react that way.
Similarly, you will typically feel uncomfortable if someone gives you
what is referred to as a “politician’s handshake,” in which the other party
covers the top of the handshake with his left hand. I suppose politicians
think they are being friendlier with this two-handed gesture, not realizing
that many people don’t like being touched that way. I know people (mostly
men) who insist on shaking hands this way and end up creating negative