222 W H A T EVERY BODY IS SAYING
flect the stress experienced when hearing the question. The
interviewee will subconsciously respond with various distanc-
ing behaviors including foot withdrawal (moving them away
from the investigator); he may lean away or may tighten his
jaw and lips. This will be followed by the second set of related
behaviors, pacifying responses to the stress that may include
signals such as neck touching, nose stroking, or neck massag-
ing as he ponders the question or answer.
(11) Isolate the cause of the stress. Two behavior patterns in se-
ries—the stress indicators followed by pacifying behaviors—
have traditionally been erroneously associated with deception.
This is unfortunate, because these manifestations need to be
explained more simply as what they are—indicators of stress
and stress relief—not necessarily dishonesty. No doubt some-
one who is lying may display these same behaviors, but indi-
viduals who are nervous also show them. Occasionally I will
hear someone say, “If people talk while touching their nose,
they are lying.” It may be true that people who are deceptive
touch their nose while speaking, but so do individuals who
are honest but under stress. The nose touching is a pacifying
behavior to relieve internal tension—regardless of the source
of that discomfort. Even a retired FBI agent who is stopped
for speeding with no legitimate explanation will touch his
nose when pulled over (yes, I paid the ticket). My point is this.
Don’t be so hasty to assume deception when you see someone
touching his or her nose. For everyone who does it while ly-
ing, you will find a hundred who do it out of habit to relieve
stress.
(12) Pacifiers say so much. By helping us identify when a person is
stressed, pacifying behaviors help us identify issues that need
further focus and exploration. Through effective questioning
we can both elicit and identify these pacifiers in any interper-
sonal interaction to achieve a better understanding of a person’s
thoughts and intentions.