134 THE CREATIVE INVESTMENT TEAM
The process for change that the Stones recommend—and it
worked for me—is called Voice Dialogue. It can be verbal, with
a friend or counselor, or written in the form of a journal. The
essence of the process is simple: Treat your own internal critic
like a person who needs a sympathetic ear. Listen with the same
concern and attention that you would give to a friend or child
who was describing a problem. The key is to remain neutral and
not get pulled into the drama. This point is critical. (Sorry, no pun
intended.)
The process can get a little tricky here. The Aware Ego is the
conscious part of the psyche, the part that separates us from the
animal kingdom and allows us to “watch” our moods, thoughts,
and sensations. (This notion of the Aware Ego was playfully dealt
with in a Seinfeld episode in which George referred to himself in
the third person: “George doesn’t like it when he doesn’t get his
way... “) One way to experiment with the Aware Ego is to write
an account of your day in the third person. Imagine watching
yourself go through the day and instead of writing, “then I went
to the mall... ”, write “then Sally went to the mall... ” When
I made this switch in my journaling it helped tremendously. I was
able to stay neutral and take a sincere interest in the critic’s com-
ments and what concerns underlay them. Otherwise, I would con-
tinually take the bait and end up in a battle. The critic, being part
of you, knows exactly what your weak points are. It can hook you
faster than a fly fisherman. My critic would say things to me like,
“You call that a workout? You only ran one mile. Who are you
kidding? You shouldn’t have bothered.” To which I would respond
smartly, “Cram it. One mile is plenty. I read in a health magazine
that 20 minutes of daily exercise is plenty, so shut up.” And we
were off to the races.
Switching to the Aware Ego point of view, it was easier for
me instead to respond, “What’s your point here? Why are you
attacking?”
Invariably the answer to this question involved the critic’s fear14-25 ware 134 1/19/01, 1:14 PM