Fairfightsareforfools.ByRichStanton
BEING A
DA R K SOU L
I
ama dickhead.Yes!
Wallowinmylakeof
apathy,noobs.Why
amI sucha badman?
It’ssimple– I’ve
masteredcheapDarkSoulskills.
I’mnottalkingaboutnonsense.I’m
nota forestganker(thoughI did
buildananti-ganksorcerorglass
cannon,butthat’sanotherstory).
WhatI am...is a bitofa clown.
OneoftheaspectsofDarkSouls
that,tomymind,nevergetsenough
creditis thehumour.Yesyoudie
overandoverbutsometimes,isn’tit
justa pratfall?I’mnottheonlyplayer
that’sseen“YOUDIED”and
respondedwitha chuckle.
AndI tookthatattitudeintoPvP.
Initiallyit wasallaboutwinningand
then...I realisedyoucoulddomuch
moreinterestingthings.Oneofthe
brilliancesoftheSoulsseriesis itsembrace of asymmetrical multiplayer- the invader is uninvited, unsought
and has the NPCs on-side. They’re
a prick, basically, and this is what
I came to love.
It’s not about having the best
weapon. It’s not about anything
other than if you can unfairly screw
someone over.
My favourite: I’m the guy that
pushed you off the Kiln of the First
Flame’s beams, using low-level
miracle Force, because I hid behind a
pillar and watched you walk up and...
yes, I boomed you off the edge. I sat
in an attic for like a year doing that
to people. Yes I’m a saddo but it’s
also just hilarious.
Still, they never saw it coming. I’d
sit in my attic in the Kiln and run for
that pillar once, twice, two thousand
times. I would wait and you would
wait and eventually you and your
mates would traverse the beam and
BONK! Off you go. Soz boys.
The next level of dirty tricks is a
spell called Chameleon. It turns you
into an object from the area you’re in.
As an invader, the dream opportunity
for this is Sen’s Fortress – because
you turn into a statue, and the place
is full of statues, and those innocent
fools just fly by.
The thing about Sen’s Fortress is
that anyone going through it is
already terrified. When “Invaded by
XXXN00bK1LLAXXX” turns up
(note, this is not my ID) then folk go
from scared to brown trousers pretty
TRAGEDY I PR ANK I LORE I INVADE I FA SH IONFEATURE