24 Time May 11, 2020
TheView Family
ity of exposure to the virus, forced to
forgo around-the-clock postnatal care.
They are coming home to houses de-
void of loving friends and family and
home-cooked meals.
Women nearing their due dates had
no way of knowing they’d be delivering
in these circumstances. But armed with
both birth control and evolving scien-
tific information about this virus,
I have some ability to predict whether
I’ll carry and deliver my next child dur-
ing this pandemic. If going to the gro-
cery store is risky, why would I choose
to have my IUD removed and make reg-
ular visits to health care facilities (be-
yond what my work requires), with the
goal of being admitted to a hospital—
arguably one of the scariest places to
be right now?
And so my husband and I have de-
cided to wait. Millions of people have
lost jobs and struggle to afford hous-
ing and food. Thousands upon thou-
sands mourn family and friends lost to
COVID-19, or grieve losses unrelated
to the virus but for which the comfort
taken in normal rituals is not an option.
I acknowledge that having children five
years apart rather than three—if we are
fortunate enough to have another—is,
in the greater context of today’s crisis,
a privileged problem to have. Still, I am
giving myself space to feel the loss of
the family life that I had envisioned.
In recent weeks, two close friends
have brought new babies home, and I’ve
found myself watching with longing as
their toddlers became big brothers and
sisters. I look at my family of three and
feel the absence of that fourth person—
one who has yet to even be conceived.
I regret that we didn’t try sooner and
can’t help dwelling on what it will be
like to wait to grow our family until we
feel safe again, whenever that may be.
Our son is a shining light in these
dark and uncertain times. He is fasci-
nated by dandelions and fire trucks and
endlessly entertained by the suburban
town to which we have been confined
during this time of quarantine. He’s to-
tally fine—happy and thriving. But he
doesn’t know that if not for a pandemic,
he might have had a close-in-age sibling.Schuettge is a pediatric nurse practitioner
and lactation consultant in PhiladelphiaThe pandemic has put our
dreams of another baby on hold
By Anna Schuettge
I look at my
family of
three and feel
the absence
of that fourth
person—one
who has yet
to even be
conceivedDuring a quaranTine ouTing To our local park This
week, my toddler son ran around kicking his big red ball.
I watched him chase after it and then collect treasures to share
with his Elmo doll sitting in the stroller. And I yearned for him
to have a playmate. Not just any playmate—a sibling.
Many of my friends told me they felt a switch flip when
their kids hit 15 months and all of a sudden they felt ready
to do it all again. For me, 15 months came and went with no
great change. So did 18 and 20. For a brief moment, my hus-
band and I thought we were happy having our one wonder-
ful child. But in the early months of 2020, as my son’s second
birthday drew near, we were hit by a feeling of readiness that
was forceful and unwavering. Remembering how special it
had been for both of us to grow up with a sibling close in age,
and wanting the same kind of companionship for our son,
we had planned to try for another child this spring.
Then COVID-19 happened. Between overall economic
uncertainty, fears over our own job security and a new real-
ity in which it’s unsafe to even visit playgrounds, the prospect
of bringing another child into the world became more com-
plicated. Will this pandemic last three months or two years?
When we come out on the other side, will we have the sup-
port of four healthy grandparents and the assurance of two
full-time careers? With the passing of my 35th birthday this
month, I’m now considered geriatric when it comes to preg-
nancy. Will I be able to conceive when this is over?
I work as a pediatric nurse practitioner and lactation con-
sultant, and I have witnessed firsthand the profound anxiety
of having a baby in this moment. Moms are being discharged
from hospitals more and more quickly to reduce the possibil-