The Wall Street Journal - 04.03.2020

THE WALL STREET JOURNAL. Wednesday, March 4, 2020 |A

braking too hard, Ms. Woodberry

found. He had nine instances in

one recent week, compared with

her three. Rather than coming

down hard on him for it, she tries

to use the data to make all driv-

ers in the family more aware of

their habits.

Once a week during dinner, Ms.

Woodberry, her husband and

Shaylen all look at the app to see

who had the most instances of un-

safe driving. “It keeps everyone

mindful in a fun way. We’re not all

perfect,” she said.

When James Williams’s oldest

child, Katie, began driving, he and

his wife got Life360 to make sure

she was arriving at her destina-

tions safely.

But the app is intended to pro-

vide a two-way view, with all

members of the family able to see

one another’s location and driving

reports.

One day while James and his

wife were on vacation in Arizona

and Katie was staying with her

grandparents back home in Ne-

braska, she received a notification

on the app that her father had

completed a trip—and that he had

reached a top speed of 98 miles

an hour.

“I took a screenshot and texted it

to both of them and said, ‘What’s

going on?’ ” recalls Katie, 17.

Mr. Williams had rented a Mus-

tang convertible near Sedona. “We

found a back road and it was beau-

tiful and there was a sunset...” he

said. “I wanted to test that sports

car, and I got caught.”

Sharing Family

Secrets, in Public

People are divulging DNA test revelations beyond friends and relatives

BYAMYDOCKSERMARCUS

can earn points by completing

safe-driving challenges such as

making 10 trips with no high

speeds or sudden braking. The

points can be redeemed for dis-

counts on gift cards, car rentals

and magazine subscriptions,

among other items. Allstate poli-

cyholders in most states can earn

cash or receive a credit on their

premiums for safe driving.

Bianca Woodberry’s family has

turned safe driving into a competi-

tion. The Winston-Salem, N.C.,

family got the Life360 app two

years ago when their oldest child,

Shaylen, turned 16. Ms. Woodberry

was concerned that her son would

be using his phone while driving,

but the app claims she’s a worse

offender on that front than he is.

Still, it’s an all-too-common

trend among parents. A study con-

ducted by Liberty Mutual Insur-

ance found that 37% of parents use

mobile apps while driving com-

pared with 38% of teens. And the

main reason teens use their

phones while driving or stopped at

red lights? Replying to texts from

their parents.

Shaylen’s biggest problem is

Rick Kaye shares his story.

Right, with his half-sister as

kids. Below, Pamela Powell

and her biological father.

LIFE&ARTS

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: JERRI GRAHAM PHOTOGRAPHY; RICK KAYE; ROGER ROSEN

The Life360 app, below, monitors

driving. Bianca Woodberry, left, uses

it with her son Shaylen at the wheel.

R

ick Kaye attended a

recent book lecture

about DNA testing at

a local public library,

intending only to lis-

ten, not talk. But

when the author asked the audi-

ence for questions, Mr. Kaye’s

hand shot up.

With a tremor in his voice, he re-

vealed to over 250 people gathered

at the Westport Library in Connect-

icut what he had previously told

only trusted friends and family:

Over a year ago, he took a DNA test

and discovered the man who raised

him was not his biological father.

Mr. Kaye says he’s normally a

private person, but he felt com-

pelled to share this revelation

more broadly. Reaching out to new

half-siblings was weighing on him.

“I wanted to share the anxiety of

contacting people,” he says.

The widespread use of home

DNA tests has revealed family se-

crets and sparked privacy debates.

In trying to grapple with shocking

news, many people turn to the

people who are closest to them:

spouses, children, close friends.

But some people are also sharing

those secrets more widely—with

strangers, in public. Events that

have sprouted up around the phe-

nomenon of home DNA testing, such

as book tours and academic confer-

ences, have become magnets for

people making public revelations.

Some people feel more comfort-

able sharing with strangers, who

typically won’t follow up with ques-

tions or judgments in the same way

friends and relatives might. Others

want to connect with people going

through the same thing, even

though they haven’t met.

“The impulse to stand up is like

testifying in the old-fashioned way.

It is almost religious. It is standing

and saying, ‘This is who I am,’ ”

says Dani Shapiro, author of the

memoir “Inheritance,” which

chronicles her experiences after a

DNA test led her to discover that

her parents conceived her via

sperm donation.

Ms. Shapiro’s book tour has

turned into a regular gathering

place for people who not only want

to hear her personal DNA story but

also share their own. People have

shared stories at every one of the

more than 100 events she has held

since her book came out last year,

she says, including at the Westport

library in February.

Sharing stories can help people

accept information that may other-

wise feel shocking, says Anita De-

Longis, a professor of psychology at

the University of British Columbia

who is conducting a study examin-

ing the emotional impact of con-

sumer DNA testing on families. In a

large public event, she says, a per-

son can “still feel fairly anonymous.

You are sharing private information,

but you don’t know the people.”

People have also publicly shared

DNA findings at movie showings

and in academic gatherings. Sara

Lamm, who made a documentary

about her discovery that she was

conceived through sperm dona-

tion, says some people have

shared their DNA stories at the

screenings because those closest

to them may not fully accept how

transformative and unsettling a

DNA discovery can be.

“DNA is potent biological and

psychological material,” says Ms.

Lamm. “There are a myriad of

ways these stories can go off the

rails and I think that’s the urgency.

People want that acknowledged.”

J. David Velleman, a professor

of philosophy and bioethics at New

York University, organized a con-

ference last year about the ethics

of donor conception. Most speak-

ers were philosophy professors,

but he also invited a woman who

was donor-conceived and used

DNA testing to find half-siblings

and the identity of the sperm do-

nor. Dozens of donor-conceived

adults also showed up.

Professor Velleman was so in-

trigued by their public sharing

during the event that he ended up

opening a discussion for anyone in

the audience to share personal sto-

ries. “What they had to say was so

much more interesting than any-

thing we academics could say,” he

says. “We soaked up hearing first-

hand experiences.”

Anna Levin, now 34, knew from

the age of 6 that she was donor-

conceived, but her parents used an

anonymous sperm donor. A DNA

test last year helped her identify

the man. She knows of at least 27

half-siblings conceived from the

same donor.

In January, she attended a public

event where Dani Shapiro spoke

that was hosted by the Johns Hop-

kins Berman Institute of Bioethics.

During the question-and-answer pe-

riod, Ms. Levin shared her own

story publicly for the first time. Ms.

Levin, who is a graduate student

there, knew some of the people in

the audience. Still, she said, public

sharing initially felt overwhelming.

Ms. Levin overcame her nerves in

part because she identified strongly

with Ms. Shapiro. “I wanted her to

card, said she had gone through

something similar and helped oth-

ers on their DNA searches. Ms.

Powell later emailed her.

Ms. Powell had a moment of

hesitation letting a stranger access

her DNA results. But very quickly,

the woman solved the mystery and

emailed her the obituary for Ms.

Powell’s biological father. “It’s

hard for people who haven’t gone

through it to understand,” Ms.

Powell says. “I trusted her.”

In Mr. Kaye’s case, he, his wife,

and his sister took DNA tests in

2018 as part of a synagogue fund-

raiser. After the event, Mr. Kaye

approached the genealogist about

the test results and learned that

he and his sister were likely half,

not full, siblings.

“It rocked my world,” he says.

The synagogue president over-

heard the conversation. “I asked

him to keep it under his hat until

we figured out what was going

on,” says Mr. Kaye.

Mr. Kaye later learned his par-

ents experienced fertility issues

and used a sperm donor. He and

his wife followed leads trying to

determine the identity of Mr.

Kaye’s biological father. Eventually,

they found an obituary for the

sperm donor’s wife with names of

the five surviving children.

The evening of the book talk, his

wife asked if he intended to share

his story. Mr. Kaye said no. “I am a

very private person,” he says.

But something compelled Mr.

Kaye not only to go public, but to

wave his hand so insistently that he

was the first person Ms. Shapiro

called on that evening. “There is a

rawness that radiates when people

need to share,” Ms. Shapiro says.

Mr. Kaye described how he was

struggling with reaching out to pre-

sumed half-siblings. “I was hoping

there was a magic phrase.” Nobody

had one, but he is still glad he

spoke up. Like so many others, he

realizes, “I am still finding my way.”

know that,” she says.

A few weeks later, Ms. Levin

traveled to San Francisco to meet

her sperm donor and his wife. She

was feeling nervous about the en-

counter. While there, she attended

a Shapiro book event

at a community center

with her half-sister.

During the audience

Q&A, Ms. Levin told

the packed room how

nervous she was about

meeting the sperm do-

nor and his wife the

next day. The audience

applauded.

Afterward, 12 half-

siblings from a differ-

ent donor came up to

talk to Ms. Levin and

her half-sister. By shar-

ing publicly, Ms. Levin

says, “other people see

they are not alone.”

Pamela Powell de-

cided to share at a

public event in order

to get some help with

her search for her bio-

logical father. She took

a DNA test in 2018

that revealed an un-

known biological father, but for

over three months, she was get-

ting nowhere with her efforts to

identify him. “I was feeling hope-

less,” she says.

She went to a Dani Shapiro

event at Harvard Medical School

in Boston. Looking around the

room, Ms. Powell realized it was

likely packed with scientists, doc-

tors and maybe others pursuing a

DNA secret. She decided to ask for

help. “I was nervous to be that

vulnerable,” she says. “But I also

felt like I needed to know.”

When the moderator called on

Ms. Powell, she asked if anyone

could help her quest to find her fa-

ther. Afterward, Ms. Powell was

surrounded by people eager to

help. One woman handed her a

THE TIME WHENteenagers get

behind the wheel is perhaps the

most harrowing of parenthood. My

kids are still years away from this,

but I’m already hoping self-driving

cars will be ubiquitous by then. Un-

til that happens, parents have an-

other option: monitoring

their teens’ road

smarts—or lack

thereof—through apps.

Tech companies and

insurance carriers offer

apps that act as back-seat drivers,

informing parents how fast their

teens are going and how hard they

are braking. All of this comes with

risks: Some kids resent being

tracked and parents are sometimes

spied on by their kids.

Jolene Martin-Pavesich began

using Life360, a free location-shar-

ing app that offers a “driver pro-

tect” feature for $8 a month, after

her then-18-year-old son got into

an accident.

Once she began tracking his

trips, she said she caught him tex-

ting and driving numerous times.

The app detects trouble using the

smartphone’s built-in motion sen-

sor and provides data at the end

of each drive.

Ms. Martin-Pavesich, of Grant

Park, Ill., received a call from a

Life360 adviser when her son got

into another accident. She could see

where he was on the app and was

DHANRAJ EMANUEL FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNALable to get to him within minutes.

FAMILY & TECH| JULIE JARGON

Parents Enlist Apps

To Track Teen Drivers

Although the accident wasn’t his

fault, Ms. Martin-Pavesich said the

driving report on the app indicated

he was using his phone at the time.

He told her he had been talking to

his girlfriend. Ms. Martin-Pavesich’s

son declined to comment. She said

he hates being tracked on the app.

Now she’s planning to use the

app to monitor her 15-year-old

son, Ray, who has his learner’s

permit. Ray said he’s OK with his

parents tracking his driving.

Life360 is the most popular lo-

cation-sharing app that has a

driver-tracking feature but there

are several other apps that can

help quell the nerves of anxious

parents, including RoadReady,

SafeDrive and Verizon’s Hum.

Beyond providing peace of mind

for parents, drive-tracking apps

offer another perk: the possibility

of saving money. Teens are the

most expensive drivers to insure,

so rewarding those who prove

they are safe on the road can re-

duce the sticker shock of high

teen-driver premiums.

State Farm has a free Drive Safe

& Save app that allows drivers of

any age to save up to 30% on their

premiums depending on how safely

they drive

Allstate Insurance Co. has a

Drivewise feature on its mobile

app that alerts people to unsafe

driving behavior and offers tips

on how to drive better. Drivers