The Wall St.Journal 24Feb2020

A12| Monday, February 24, 2020 THE WALL STREET JOURNAL.

Top left, Gray Malin and husband, Jeff Richardson, keep each other motivated

at the gym. Above, Mr. Malin works the battle ropes between weight sets.

LIFE & ARTS

After Clare Ansberry interviewed

Steve Grant, the author of a book

on losing his sons to drug addiction,

Wall Street Journal readers sent in

their own stories. Many described

their personal experiences loving—

and trying to help—a relative ad-

dicted to opioids. Here is a sam-

pling of the responses.

MY SONwas a heroin addict for at

least five years. I was in complete

denial. I know my husband knew,

but he was also in denial. What

people must know is that this

problem is not one that is re-

stricted to the lower income de-

mographic. This crosses to all sec-

tors of society. [People struggling

with addiction] live under our

roof, eat dinner at our tables, join

us in family and social gatherings

and more. We give them money

and cars. When our money and

jewelry and other things are miss-

ing, we actually believe them when

they say they didn’t take it. We

know, but we don’t want to face it.

We watch while they get thinner,

their hygiene practically nonexis-

tent. So we make it easy for them

to continue their drug life when

we should throw them out to see

how the real world of drug addic-

tion is. But we don’t because we’re

afraid they’ll die out there. We

blame ourselves even when they

tell us it’s not our fault. [My son]

always said he loved heroin and

would never give it up. Well, by

some miracle, he did give it up.

That was five years ago. No

matter what happens to me per-

sonally in my life, I will always feel

like the luckiest person alive, but I

know this could change in a heart-

beat. I told my son that he gave

himself a life sentence but also

gave my husband, daughter and

myself one as well. This shadow

never leaves. I pray every day that

he will not start that life again. We

lost our nephew two years ago to

heroin. His family is destroyed, so

my heart breaks for the author. No

one should experience such heart-

THANK YOUfor publishing this in-
terview, and thank you to the au-
thor. I immediately ordered this
book [“Don’t Forget Me: A Lifeline
of Hope for Those Touched by
Substance Abuse and Addiction”].
In 2010, when I was expecting our
second child, my husband was pre-
scribed two types of antidepres-
sants for anxiety. Once he took the
pills, he was never the same per-
son again. Previously he was loved
by everyone. He was a graduate of
a prestigious university. Soon after
taking this medication, he began
to drink heavily and started a
downward spiral from which he
never returned. Like the author, I
naïvely thought 72-hour and multi-
ple 30-day rehabs would help. In
2015, he died of a drug overdose.
Today my daughters (ages 10 and
11) and I carry those same feelings
of shame and isolation that are in-
describable due to losing someone
to an overdose. I cry at their school
CLOCKWISE FROM TOP: STEVE GRANT PERSONAL COLLECTION; ROSECRANCE HEALTH NETWORK; CHRISTINE EMMERT and sporting events, sitting alone,

DAVID WALTER BANKS FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL (2)

If you’re going to work out,

you should make it count. Inten-

sity, volume and frequency are

three key variables that often get

overlooked, says Matthew J.

Smith, co-founder of Revo Phys-

iotherapy and Sports Perfor-

mance in Boulder, Colo.

“Many people show up at the

gym after an exhausting day and

psychologically check off the box

that he or she did something,” he

says. “Oftentimes they don’t lift

heavy enough or get their heart

rate up enough.”

He says workout classes or

partners can help us push our-

selves. Setting a goal and know-

ing how to accomplish it is cru-

cial. “If I want to put on muscle,

two days a week in the gym will

not be adequate,” he says. “You

most likely need 45 minutes to

one hour of training three to four

days a week. And you should be

doing four to six sets.”

For efficiency, he suggests

choosing multi-joint exercises,

such as squats, that use both

large and small muscle groups.

“It’s easy to get motivated in

short bits and fall off the rails

whenwegetbusyorifwe’renot

seeing instant results,” Mr. Smith

says. “Creating unmitigated disci-

pline around your health is the

only way to cement it for the

long term. Set a goal every time

you work out.”

And don’t forget to recover as

hard as you train. “We get strong

when we get sleep,” he says.

Keeping Up the

Intensity at the Gym

ache. One last thing: I disagree

with the author regarding parent-

ing. You can be the worst parent in

the world and your children can be

successful. I have seen this many

times. The reverse is true as well.

Being consistent means nothing.

—Susan Moore

Christine Emmert and her daughters

painfully aware that

he is missing every-

thing. At the holi-

days, my family is a

wonderful support,

but I feel isolated

watching everyone

seated next to their

spouses and won-

dering what life

would have been like

under different cir-

cumstances.

Hopefully my

daughters and I can

serve as an example

that addiction does

not discriminate.

Through the support

of family, friends,

neighbors, and co-

workers, I was able

to carry on and

maintain a success-

ful career. My

daughters get good grades and are

so active in many activities that it’s

sometimes easy to forget how much

we have overcome.

—Christine Emmert

UNFORTUNATELY,I

lost my son Daniel,

my stepson, my

brother, a cousin and

a nephew to this epi-

demic. I spent two

years inside the

[Ohio] state capitol

fighting for prescrip-

tion opioid reform

and walked out with

Daniel’s Law. I spent

18 months in a medi-

cal malpractice suit

and walked away

with a settlement on

behalf of my son and sworn deposi-

tions in hand. I then purged Daniel’s

story onto paper with my younger

son, Wes, a medical professional.

I had come out of this worm-

battle ropes between sets. He fin-

ishes with 10 minutes of core

work, including lower-back

extensions, sit-ups and leg raises.

He and Mr. Richardson also

incorporate partner exercises

like medicine ball tosses into their

workouts.

The jump rope is his secret

weapon on the road. “When I was

shooting my latest photo project,

“Gray Malin in Aspen,” I worked

out each morning in the gym at

the Little Nell with my jump rope

in tow,” he says. “It works your

legs, arms and core and allows me

to get in the cardio without com-

mitting to 30 minutes on the

treadmill.”

The Diet

Four years ago, Mr. Malin lost 16

pounds in two weeks following

the Scarsdale Diet, which pre-

scribes just 700 to 1,000 calories

a day. He was skinny but he

wasn’t toned.

“At first, it was really hard for

me to understand that to gain and

maintain muscle I had to eat

I could afford a trainer if I dropped

all of my classes.” He pays $100 a

month in gym fees and $2,500 for

25 private training sessions.

Mr. Malin says his lightweight

Nike Epic React Flyknit 2 sneakers

($150) are great for jumping rope.

He spent $10 on his Homello

Featherlight Speed Bounce Rope.

He wears Trovis Gym wrist wrap

gloves ($10) when weightlifting.

He wears apparel from Nike,

ISAORA and Outdoor Voices, but

says he’s disappointed there aren’t

more options for stylish men’s fit-

ness apparel. “Someone could

make a really attractive racerback

for men,” he says.

The Playlist

“AirPods have been a game

changer,” he says. “I find music to

be a huge part of working out. Mu-

sic keeps me Zen amidst all of the

grunting in the gym.” His top four

workout songs are “Gloria” by

Laura Branigan, “Vogue” by Ma-

donna, “I Feel Love” by Sam Smith

and “Higher Love” by Kygo and

Whitney Houston.

more, not less,” he says. “Weight-

lifting freed me from dieting.”

He got in the habit of eating

breakfast, typically a smoothie of

spinach, protein, collagen powder,

almond milk, blueberries and co-

conut oil. He doesn’t do work

lunches. He usually grabs a salad

from a cafe near his office.

“I’m ravenous when I get home,

so I stock my fridge with baby

carrots and root hummus.”

Dinner might be chicken with

broccoli or sushi or pizza. “I try

not to stress about dinner and

embrace moderation,” he says.

“Before I started lifting, if I had

pizza I would feel like I had

to be a slave to boot camp the

next day.”

Mr. Malin grew up in Texas,

and says his weakness is a good

queso dip.

The Gear and Cost

At the end of 2017, Mr. Malin did a

financial review and realized he was

spending a fortune on cardio

classes and gym fees. “I was aston-

ished,” he says. “It made me realize

GRAY MALINthought he was do-

ing everything right. He dieted

and worked out at least five days

a week. But he still wasn’t seeing

results. “I was skinny fat. I had no

tone,” says the 33-year-old Los

Angeles-based fine art photogra-

pher.

As a teen, Mr. Malin spent his

time developing film in the dark

room, as far away from the sports

fields as possible. “I’ve always

been fearful of the weight room,”

he says. “Funny enough, I married

someone who only lifts weights.”

When his husband, Jeff Richard-

son, would hit the

gym, Mr. Malin

would go to

Barry’s Bootcamp,

SoulCycle, yoga

and Pilates. “I

thought if I could

complete a 60-

minute boot

camp, I would

be extremely fit,”

he says.

But being on the road nearly

two weeks each month made it

tough to rely on classes. Two

years ago, he approached Harry

Rosedale, one of his Barry’s Boot-

camp instructors, about private

training sessions. “I told him I

wanted to gain muscle and he told

me to quit cardio, start eating

more and start lifting weights,”

he says. “It was a crazy shift.”

It took nearly nine months of

six-day a week training for Mr.

Malin, the father of twin 14-month

olds, to see results. “My body has

transformed,” he says. “I can navi-

gate a weight room. I feel so confi-

dent.” He’s also found a new gym

partner in his husband. “Watching

Gray progress, adding more weight

weekly, really drives me to push

myself further,” Mr. Richardson

says. “When things get really busy

for us, we rely on each other to

get our workouts in.”

“Now when I see someone on

the street with a toned physique I

applaud them and

think, ‘They’ve ded-

icated years to that

body,’ ” he says.

The Workout

Mr. Malin works out

at 5:50 a.m. three

daysaweekata

private gym with

his trainer and two

to three days at a public gym with

his husband. “I love not having to

go to the same place every day,”

he says. Sessions last 80 minutes.

One day he’ll do chest and legs,

another back and biceps, a third

shoulders and triceps. A sample

back-and-biceps workout might in-

clude four sets each of eight exer-

cises, such as lat pulldowns and

standing biceps cable curls. He

does one minute of jump rope or

WHAT’S YOUR WORKOUT?| JEN MURPHY

Lifting Weights

To Battle Against

‘Skinny Fat’

80

Minutes in a typical

workout session

hole a very different person. It

was a journey I never intended to

venture through, yet I found my-

self time and time again living in a

hell that I would not wish on my

worst enemy. I didn’t want the les-

sons I had learned, the mistakes I

had made, or the discrimination I

had discovered to drift away into

the cosmos without ever resulting

in some type of meaning. So I be-

gan journaling and documenting

the events of my life and the

events of Daniel’s life, in attempts

to raise awareness, educate the

masses, and encourage others to

stand with me as we fight an epi-

demic that is ripping children from

their parents on a daily basis.

Knowledge is power, but it is

nothing without action.

—Scott Weidle

I’VE WORKEDwith addicts since

1966 and presently work part-time

with them for an agency I have

been associated with for 22 years. I

don’t claim to be an expert, just an

old guy who functions as a chaplain

and walks alongside “recovering”

addicts. Drugs are as cunning, baf-

fling, and powerful as they have al-

ways been. Those of us who involve

ourselves in the life of a young per-

son rarely realize and hardly accept

we are as power-

less over drugs and

alcohol as the kid

who uses every-

thing from weed to

heroin to anything

between. Four

weeks, eight weeks,

18 months in treat-

ment. Whatever. No

matter. There is no

magic bullet in re-

covery. Steve Grant

was not “chosen”

to be a voice for

parents and others

who care about this

terrible burden. He

made the decision to face the prob-

lem head-on. Good for him. Kudos

for his courage to keep on keepin’

on despite his tragic losses.

—Bill Lenters

BYBRANDONSANCHEZ

‘No One Should Experience Such Heartache’: Readers’ Stories

Steve Grant with his

sons when they were

in their teens. Both

died of overdoses in

their early 20s.

Bill Lenters