New_York_Magazine_-_March_16_2020

26 new york | march 16–29, 2020

How to

Throw a Party

Fr om a Distance

As told to Allison P. Davis

situation. For the time being, at all live

shows I have temporarily suspended

use of all props (instruments, etc.) and

am playing more interactive songs

that don’t require props or hand

holding. I’m adding lots of new songs

(& requests!)—we’re making it fun! Also,

I have Purell, wipes, and spray on hand.”

East Village barber to customer:

“The guy before you is a Broadway

producer. He said they’re just waiting

for the city to close down the

theaters; they just don’t want to be

the first to close.”

Email from Kula yoga to its customers:

“The good old days (of 6 weeks ago)

when you felt a little tickle in your

throat, but you decided to go to yoga

anyway (because it’ll probably make

you feel better right??). Well those

days are OVER! Stay home—if home is

the best place to be—physiologically

or mentally.”

CNN newsroom employees are

encouraged to work from home.

Some still come in. Anonymous

CNN producer: “The boomers

have this ‘We don’t leave for fire

drills’ mentality. They think it

is Y2K. And the younger ones

think, ‘I am watching the feed

from Italy and I don’t want to see

that happen here.’ ”

Two friends in their 80s consider their

culture calendar:

julianne: We have the rest of the

concert season, probably about 15

more operas and Carnegie Hall tickets.

I’m going to call our doctor later and

ask him what he thinks.

jules: I’m not giving up any Carnegie

Hall concerts or operas. That’s my

joy in life. Our next shows are Monday

and Wednesday. We’re not changing

our plans.

Steve Sando, the founder of Rancho

Gordo bean purveyor: “A really good

day for us is about 150 to 200 orders.

We’ve continually done over a

thousand every day. People laugh,

saying, ‘We’re ready for the zombie

apocalypse.’ But they are doing it.”

Biggest recent spike: Following Trump’s

coronavirus address to the nation on

Wednesday night.

Top selling bean: “Believe it or not,

Royal Coronas are No. 1, still.”

Conversations at HappyFun Hideaway

in Bushwick:

“How am I supposed to take tap

dancing remotely?”

“My friend’s mom thinks there’s going

to be a national curfew type thing

eventually.”

PHOTOGRAPH: COURTESY OF GUNARATNA.

produced by prisoners. “We are

problem solvers,” Cuomo says.

“You have price gouging on hand

sanitizer and a high demand

for hand sanitizer. What do you do? ...

Make your own hand sanitizer.”

Audience members attending the live

taping of The Bachelor season finale

sign a disclosure confirming their lack

of susceptibility to the coronavirus.

A downtown AA group takes a vote:

“( 1 ) Do yo u wish to suspend

hand-holding during closing

prayer until crisis subsides;

or ( 2 ) shall hand-holding be

optional; or ( 3 ) shall we leave it as

is?” The suspension passes.

TUESDAY, MARCH 10^

36 confirmed cases.

Coachella and Stagecoach are

postponed.

Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders cancel

rallies in Ohio.

The first fatality in the Northeast:

a Yonkers Raceway worker from

New Jersey.

Duane Reade, Williamsburg:

“Are you guys totally out of hand

sanitizer and all cleaning supplies?”

“Yeah, we don’t have them. We were

supposed to have some on the truck,

but they didn’t come today. We had the

hand-sanitizer wipes, but they sold

out this morning. The next truck won’t

be un til Thursday.”

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 11^

53 confirmed cases

WHO declares the coronavirus

outbreak a pandemic.

The NBA suspends its season after a

player from the Utah Jazz tests positive.

Trump declares a European-travel

suspension.

The St. Patrick’s Day Parade

is postponed.

NYU switches to remote classes.

Trump suspends his upcoming rallies.

A Br oadway usher tests positive.

Email from Hopalong Andrew,

a children’s performer:

“Want to let you know that in the

interest of health and hygiene I’ve

made what I think are some practical

accommodations to the current

When Shanika Gunaratna felt like the only responsi-

ble move was to cancel her 31st-birthday celebration,

a Google Hangouts party suddenly seemed less

like a Black Mirror episode and more like—okay, still

Black Mirror–esque, but at least a happier episode.

i was supposed to go have low-key one-on-one

drinks at June with my friend Karen, but I woke up with

a sore throat and, after a lot of back-and-forth, decided

that I didn’t want to step out of my apartment sick. She

insisted that we had to do something, so we FaceTimed

for an hour until her phone started to die and she sug-

gested we switch to Google Hangouts.

When I opened the link, I expected to see just one face,

but then all these boxes started popping up, and there was

a rush of noise and people singing. I felt so disoriented.

I thought I’d clicked on the wrong link.

What I didn’t know was that, after our drink, Karen had

planned to lure me to her apartment, where my friends

would be waiting to surprise me. I kept on delaying my

answer, and everyone was on a group chat trying to figure

out what to do. It became a remote surprise party.

There were seven of them drinking wine and Coronas

in their respective homes all over Brooklyn. Three friends

made a cake and lit candles and started singing. I felt

loved and seen—all you can want for your birthday, really.

We talked for four hours until about midnight, mostly

about silly stuff: men and our personal lives but also about

inventory and did we have enough wine in our apartment.

They recapped how they planned the whole thing by read-

ing the group chats out loud.

And the cake didn’t go to waste: We all watched the

friends who made it (an applesauce cake with honey-

cream-cheese frosting) eat it. They saved a slice in the

freezer for me. ■

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THE FIRST 13 DAYS

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26 newyork| march16–29, 2020

How to

Throw a Party

Fr oma Distance

Astoldto AllisonP. Davis

situation. For the time being, at all live

shows I have temporarily suspended

use of all props (instruments, etc.) and

am playing more interactive songs

that don’t require props or hand

holding. I’m adding lots of new songs

(& requests!)—we’re making it fun! Also,

I have Purell, wipes, and spray on hand.”

East Village barber to customer:

“The guy before you is a Broadway

producer. He said they’re just waiting

for the city to close down the

theaters; they just don’t want to be

the first to close.”

Email from Kula yoga to its customers:

“The good old days (of 6 weeks ago)

when you felt a little tickle in your

throat, but you decided to go to yoga

anyway (because it’ll probably make

you feel better right??). Well those

days are OVER! Stay home—if home is

the best place to be—physiologically

or mentally.”

CNN newsroom employees are

encouraged to work from home.

Some still come in. Anonymous

CNN producer: “The boomers

have this ‘We don’t leave for fire

drills’ mentality. They think it

is Y2K. And the younger ones

think, ‘I am watching the feed

from Italy and I don’t want to see

that happen here.’ ”

Two friends in their 80s consider their

culture calendar:

julianne: We have the rest of the

concert season, probably about 15

more operas and Carnegie Hall tickets.

I’m going to call our doctor later and

ask him what he thinks.

jules: I’m not giving up any Carnegie

Hall concerts or operas. That’s my

joy in life. Our next shows are Monday

and Wednesday. We’re not changing

our plans.

Steve Sando, the founder of Rancho

Gordo bean purveyor: “A really good

day for us is about 150 to 200 orders.

We’ve continually done over a

thousand every day. People laugh,

saying, ‘We’re ready for the zombie

apocalypse.’ But they are doing it.”

Biggest recent spike: Following Trump’s

coronavirus address to the nation on

Wednesday night.

Top selling bean: “Believe it or not,

Royal Coronas are No. 1, still.”

Conversations at HappyFun Hideaway

in Bushwick:

“How am I supposed to take tap

dancing remotely?”

“My friend’s mom thinks there’s going

to be a national curfew type thing

eventually.”

PHOTOGRAPH: COURTESY OF GUNARATNA.

producedby prisoners. “We are

problemsolvers,” Cuomo says.

“Youhaveprice gouging on hand

sanitizeranda high demand

forhandsanitizer. What do you do? ...

Makeyourownhand sanitizer.”

Audiencemembers attending the live

tapingofThe Bachelor season finale

signa disclosure confirming their lack

ofsusceptibility to the coronavirus.

A downtownAA group takes a vote:

“( 1 ) Doyo u wish to suspend

hand-holding during closing

prayeruntilcrisis subsides;

or( 2 ) shall hand-holding be

optional;or( 3 ) shall we leave it as

is?”The suspension passes.

TUESDAY,MARCH 10^

36 confirmedcases.

CoachellaandStagecoach are

postponed.

JoeBidenand Bernie Sanders cancel

ralliesin Ohio.

Thefirst fatality in the Northeast:

a YonkersRaceway worker from

NewJersey.

DuaneReade,Williamsburg:

“Areyouguys totally out of hand

sanitizerandall cleaning supplies?”

“Yeah,we don’t have them. We were

supposedto have some on the truck,

buttheydidn’tcome today. We had the

hand-sanitizerwipes, but they sold

outthismorning. The next truck won’t

beun til Thursday.”

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 11^

53 confirmedcases

WHOdeclaresthe coronavirus

outbreaka pandemic.

TheNBAsuspends its season after a

playerfromthe Utah Jazz tests positive.

Trumpdeclares a European-travel

suspension.

TheSt. Patrick’s Day Parade

is postponed.

NYUswitchesto remote classes.

Trumpsuspends his upcoming rallies.

A Br oadwayusher tests positive.

EmailfromHopalong Andrew,

a children’sperformer:

“Wantto let you know that in the

interestof health and hygiene I’ve

madewhat I think are some practical

accommodations to the current

WhenShanikaGunaratnafeltliketheonlyresponsi-

blemovewastocancelher31st-birthdaycelebration,

a GoogleHangoutspartysuddenlyseemedless

likeaBlackMirrorepisodeandmorelike—okay,still

BlackMirror–esque,butatleasta happierepisode.

i wassupposedtogohavelow-keyone-on-one

drinksatJunewithmy friendKaren,butI woke upwith

a sorethroatand,aftera lotofback-and-forth,decided

thatI didn’t wanttostepoutofmy apartmentsick.She

insistedthat wehadtodosomething,soweFaceTimed

foranhouruntilherphonestartedtodieandshesug-

gestedweswitchtoGoogleHangouts.

WhenI openedthelink,I expectedtoseejust oneface,

butthenalltheseboxesstartedpoppingup,andtherewas

a rushofnoiseandpeoplesinging.I feltsodisoriented.

I thoughtI’dclickedonthewronglink.

WhatI didn’t knowwasthat, afterourdrink,Karenhad

plannedtoluremetoherapartment,wheremy friends

wouldbewaitingtosurpriseme.I keptondelayingmy

answer,andeveryonewasona groupchat tryingtofigure

outwhattodo.It becamea remotesurpriseparty.

ThereweresevenofthemdrinkingwineandCoronas

intheirrespectivehomesalloverBrooklyn.Threefriends

madea cakeandlitcandlesandstartedsinging.I felt

lovedandseen—allyoucanwantforyourbirthday, really.

Wetalkedforfourhoursuntilaboutmidnight,mostly

aboutsillystuff: menandourpersonallivesbutalsoabout

inventory anddidwehaveenoughwineinourapartment.

They recappedhowthey plannedthewholethingbyread-

ingthegroupchatsoutloud.

Andthecakedidn’t go towaste:We allwatchedthe

friendswhomadeit (anapplesaucecakewithhoney-

cream-cheesefrosting)eat it.Theysaveda sliceinthe

freezerforme. ■

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THE FIRST 13 DAYS