The Big Issue - UK (2020-04-30)

30 APRIL-06 MAY 2020 BIGISSUE.COM| 27

March 23 wasmy40thbirthday.ThatnightI wassupposedtobeplayinganarenainAmsterdam

thenIsubsequentlyfoundoutthatIwas havingasurprisepartyafterwards.Noneof thattook

place.InsteadI sleptinmychildhoodbed,soitwasarealcomedown.

IwastouringaroundEurope,AmericaandAustralia.Mywife,who’sa doctor,hadtakena

sabbaticalfromwork.Shewentbacktothefrontline.AndI’mnowinmybedroom,makinga

comedyshow.

ThemoneythatI wouldbegettingisgoingtotheTrussellTrust,andNHSCharitiesTogether.If

peoplearestarvingand doctorsand nursescan’t affordPPEtheleastIcan doiswritejokes. It gives

yousomethingtodoanditstopsyouwatchingthenewsandworryingaboutyourwife.

Thesetimesareconfusingandheartbreakingandscaryandboring.There’ssucha blizzardof

emotionsgoingthroughourmindseveryday.ThisistheonlywayI knowhowtosurvive.I havetoI

writejokes. That’show Ifigurethingsout.

Therehasbeenan oddpiousnessabouthumourinthelastfiveyears –somethingsyou’renot

meant to jokeabout.Icompletelydisagree.This crisis provesthatthisishow humanbeingscope,

whetherit’sbybeingcynical,sillyorwhatever.Likethefactthatthere’sa towninDerbyshirewhere

every nightat6.3 0 theycollectivelymooor thefact thatGwynethPaltrow isrecommendingsex

toysorthatOJSimpsoniscommentingonTigerKingsayingthatCarolBaskindefinitelydiditor that

peopleareburningdown5GmastsbecauseAmirKhanandAmandaHoldentoldthemto.Thereare

somanyinterestingstoriesswirlingaround.That’sthethingtobefunnyabout,thereactiontothis

awfulsituation.

We’rereallylearningwhat’sessentialanditturnsoutlivecomedyisn’t,it’sanindulgence.I don’t

thinktherewillbegigsproperlyuntilthere’sa vaccine.I thinkpeoplearetooscaredandtheylove

theirrelativestoomuchtoriskit.Butonceitisallclear,it’llbelikea horn’sblown.Thegigsaregoing

to bewild,likeFreddieMercury partiesin1984.Chaos.GlastonburyFestivalnextyear, italready

makesthehairsonthebackofmyneckstandup.

Everyone’sbeenthroughthisincrediblepauseandrecalibrationintheirlife.What’sreally

fascinatingisthatjustbeforethis, governmentpolicywasn’tgoingtoletmigrantsinunlessthey

earnedover£28, 000 ayear and unlesstheyhad acertainamountof skill–thatwouldbecleaners,

peopleputtingfood on shelves, nurses–peoplewhoarecurrentlykeepingthiscountrygoing.

Thethingthatbaffledmewas thewholerhetoric aroundimmigrationduringBrexit. Have

you neverbeento ahospital?Ifitweren’t for immigration,theNHSwouldfallapart.Peopleof all

nationalitiesworkallhoursforlow moneylookingafteryourlovedones. My nan and granddad

passedaway inthelastfiveyears and thecaretheyreceivedfrom supposedlylow-skilledworkers

thatwedon’tneedwasincredible.Theempathyandintellectandwisdom.

Ilistento my wifeand herfriends. Believeme,whenyou’retheonlynon-doctoratadinnerparty

it’s humbling.TheNHSstruggleswithoutapandemic. Every winterit’s atmaxcapacity.So you

wouldhopethatweputgenuineresourcesintoit.There’llbeanotherthinglikethisoncewecan’t

dealwithantibiotics.Thisisn’tgoingtobetheonlytimethisisgoingtohappen.

Thereareacoupleof boys whoworkintheCo-opdowntheroad from me.They’reinthereevery

day dealingwithcustomers, allthehandscomingnear them,thecoughs–they’redoingitbecause

that’swhattheydo.Andyouhavetosalutethat.That’swortha millioncelebritiesTikTokingintheir

mansions.It’stimefora realdiscussionabout who adds value to society. A moment where you ask,

‘Whatdidyoudoduringthepandemic?’

RussellHoward’sHomeTimeairson Sky One and Now TVon Tuesdaysand Thursdays,and can

be watched on YouTube the following day As told to Steven MacKenzie @stevenmackenzie

BackinthreeweeksBC(before

coronavirus),therewerethesethings

calledcomedyclubsthatusedtohost

eventswherepeoplecametogetherand

laughedatjokes.Ringanybells?

Plentyof clubswant to bemorethan a

distantmemory.

TheStand–normallybasedinGlasgow,

Edinburghand Newcastle–hastaken,well,

a stand.TheirSaturdayNightLiveatThe

Standeventshavebeena smashhit,running

weeklysinceMarch 20 andattractingtop

comicslikeMarkWatson,FrankieBoyleand

JosieLong to filmashort setfrom homeon

theirphone.

Morethan6,000viewersregularly

tuneinonlinetoseecompèreMark

Nelsonobservesocialdistancingwithhis

cameramantointroducetheclips.Andif

youthinkthelackofanaudiencemeanshe

can’tbeheckled,theinspirationalpowerof

peoplecomingtogetherhasensuredhis

teethcomeunderfirethroughthehashtag

#HeckleMark.Freetowatch,theshow

encouragesdonationstoensureTheStand

cankeeppayingstaff theliving wage.One

lookatOmidDjalili’skitchenshouldbe

enoughtogetyoutodonate.

HotWaterComedyClubinLiverpoolcan’t

hostliveshows,sothestaff havetakenon

thetaskof fixingstreamingservicesinstead.

Ifyou’vespentquarantinescrollingthrough

Netflixfor somethingfunny,Hot Water’s On

Demandservicewillbea godsend.

For theoddlyspecific£5.83-a-month,you

canwatchanynumberoftheirtapedshows,

whichfeatureanaudienceratherthanthe

CHASMOFSILENCEthatissometimes

jarringinTheStand’sefforts.And it’s more

timeyou’llspendnotwatchingLoveIsBlind

on Netflix.Awinallround.

Andthereisevenonevenuethathas

openeditsdoorsduringthepandemic.The

CovidArmsmightbeBYOBbutitdoesserve

uponlinecomedyandcashforperformers

andfoodbanks,donating£50,000toThe

TrussellTrustsofar.MarkWatsonhas

chippedinagain(thehardest-workingman

invirtualshowbiz?)aswellasRossNoble,

AislingBeaandmore.

What’sgoingon intheworldisnojoke,

butsupportingvenueswillsaveus from a

worldof nojokesafterwards.

Words: Liam Geraghty @Lazergun_Nun

MAKINGSURETHEY

HAVE THE LAST LAUGH

RussellHowardshouldbepacking arenas. Instead, he’s pleasing himself

in his bedroom. He explains...

Standanddeliver

MarkNelson

introducesThe

Stand'shome-

filmed comedians

‘THIS IS THE ONLY

WAY I KNOW HOW

TO SURVIVE. I HAVE

TO WRITE JOKES’