looking for a new place, so that you
don’t have to keep living directly next to
the people who ate your husband. That
must be very upsetting for all of you.
DEAR MOTHER GOOSE,
I am friends with a wonderful boy. We
used to spend lots of time together, but
as he’s grown older, our relationship
has become one-sided. I was delighted
to offer him all my apples for his own
personal profit, and even to be chopped
down for his sailing hobby. But is a
“Thanks” or a “How are you doing,
Tree?” really too much to ask?
—T re e
DEAR TREE,
While you may see yourself as a giving
tree, at this point you’re more of a
codependent one. I am not excusing
the behaviour of this selfish boy, but
you obviously get something out of
being a martyr.
Set some boundaries and then
enforce them. That isn’t selfish; it’s just
learning how to take care of yourself.
Think about what would make you
happy outside of this relationship—
yoga, painting, decomposing into food
for fungi and insects—and then pursue
that. Healthy boundaries are the best
gift you two can give each other.
DEAR MOTHER GOOSE,
I am being aggressively pursued by
someone (I’ll call him S.I.A.) who is
bizarrely obsessed with getting me to
eat “green eggs and ham.” He has
offered no explanation of where the
ham and eggs came from, why they are
green or why he cares if I eat them. I’ve
turned him down calmly, but he’s fol-
lowing me everywhere. S.I.A. thinks
I might like the food. He has brought
a mouse, a fox and a goat to me, as if
they would change my mind.
He’s always polite; still, this experi-
ence is stressful. Am I being unreason-
able? Should I just eat his food?
—AnonDEAR ANON,
This is a person with extremely
unhealthy—perhaps even dangerous—
personal space issues.
There is nothing “polite and friendly”
about stalking you and insisting that
you try a mysterious meat product
after you have repeatedly declined.
“No” is a complete sentence, not an
opportunity to bring goats into a debate.
Sure, you might like the green eggs
and ham—so what? Even if you did,
it wouldn’t justify his creepy over-
investment in what you eat.
If you haven’t already, block S.I.A. on
your phone, email and all social media
platforms, and remain firm if he turns
up again, with or without a mouse or a
fox. If you turn down his green ham 27
times but then cave in and try it, all you
are teaching him is that he has to pester
you 28 times to get what he wants.SLATE.COM (JANUARY 31, 2019) © 2019 BY THE SLATE
GROUP. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. USED UNDER LICENSE.reader’s digestrd.ca 83