8 ST THE NEW YORK TIMES, SUNDAY, JUNE 28, 2020As the presidential election draws near, I would
like to like to post a message on my Facebook
timeline that says: “If any of my Facebook friends
plan on voting for a particular candidate, I would
appreciate your doing me the courtesy of unfriend-
ing me. I no longer want to be associated with
people who share a worldview, political views or,
most important, the same set of morals as this
candidate. They are completely antithetical to
mine.” My husband thinks I should not make this
post. You?
S.
Is a friend who was kind to you —
during a rough patch in college,
say — any less kind because she
supports a different candidate
than you do? I would feel differ-
ently if she actually made offen-
sive Facebook posts. But you’re
trying to police people’s thoughts.
Let’s go a step further: The
best predictor (and reinforcer) of
political views these days may be
our media and social media diets.
But our best hope for useful talks
with people from seemingly un-
bridgeable political silos is that,
once, in real life, we were good to
each other. This makes me more
hesitant to ask Facebook friends
to scram.
Your social media is yours. You
may use it as you like. So if you’re
too exhausted, aggravated or hurt
to interact with people who dis-
agree with you, based on their
choice of political candidate,
you’re free to ask them to leave
your Facebook page.
If I were you, though, I’d take a
break from Facebook instead.
Come back when you’re ready to
explore what connects you to the
friends you now want to disown.
Canceling people is easy. Recon-
necting with them is hard, but it’s
the only productive way forward.
We need that now, even on the
small scale of your Facebook
page.
Babies First
My twin sons were born two
months premature. After three
months in the neonatal I.C.U., we
were finally able to bring them
home. We’ve been practicing strict
social distancing. My sister-in-law,
who lives in another state, will
soon be visiting my mother-in-law
nearby. She’s asked if she can visit
the twins, and I said sure, as long
as she quarantines for 10 days and
wears a mask. (She hasn’t been
careful about coronavirus risks.)
She freaked out and told me I was
being ridiculous. The problem:
She has mental health issues, and
my husband and mother-in-law
worry that the smallest thing may
set her off. What should I do?
CONCERNED MOM
I’m sorry for this extra stressor.
But I may have a solution that
avoids making your sister-in-law
feel singled out. Once she sets
foot in her mother’s home (pre-
sumably, without quarantining),
insist that both of them wait for
two weeks before they visit you
and the twins.
Let the quarantine be an expe-
rience of togetherness for your
mother- and sister-in-law. And
explain the need for masks and
social distancing. (How can you
possibly keep infants’ fingers out
of their mouths?) Catering to the
needs of others is great if you can
manage it safely, but not at the
expense of your babies’ health.Put In a Good Word?I am a rising senior in college.
This spring, I worked a remote
internship along with taking
classes. I had a great time! An
acquaintance, whom I really
dislike, has been texting me twice
a week, asking me to put him in
touch with my boss so he can get
an internship too. I’ve tried dodg-
ing him, with little success. But
I’m uncomfortable with this. I was
only an intern! And even if could
recommend someone, it wouldn’t
be this guy. How do I say no,
without letting him know I de-
spise him?
ANONYMOUSEventually, you may discover that
there’s success enough for every-
one, even (especially!) those we
dislike. But you’re not there yet.
(I wasn’t either in college.) For
now, give your nemesis the com-
pany’s general email address.
Tell him, as a former intern, you
have little (if any) influence with
your former boss and you intend
to reserve it for yourself, so you
won’t be recommending anyone.
He may think you’re a selfish jerk,
but there’s a value in learning to
say no directly.Dog DaysMy financial situation hasn’t been
affected by Covid-19 (yet), so I
continued paying my dog walker
during the pandemic even though
he didn’t work. It seemed fair.
Now that my city is reopening and
dog walkers are permitted to work
again, mine has decided not to
return to the city. So I decided not
to pay him for June; it was his
decision not to come back. My
daughter thinks I should continue
paying him until I find a replace-
ment. You?
J.It’s your money, and you’ve been
generous with it. Why not contin-
ue the logic of pandemic payment
to its natural end? Prorate pay-
ment for the month of June to the
date your city allowed dog walk-
ers to return. If your daughter
wants to give your dog walker
more, she can.Please Leave My Feed
Social Q’s PHILIP GALANES
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For help with your awkward situation,
send a question to SocialQ@nytimes
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or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.
could go to my mom’s friend’s lake house,”
Ms. Coleman said. They all drove to North
Conway, a village in New Hampshire set
amid lakes, forests and mountains.
Worry about the pandemic guided most
decisions. The family decided against rent-
ing a bigger car to make them comfortable
during the three-hour drive, because she
wasn’t sure what the rental companies were
doing to ensure their cars were virus-free.
They fed and changed the baby in the car to
avoid public rest stops and bathrooms.
Even though the lake house was near the
center of the village, they stayed away. “We
played family board games, we went on
kayaks, we had a kiddie pool, we did lots of
barbecuing,” Ms. Coleman said. “We went
on the trip to stay at the house. The inten-
tion wasn’t to go anywhere public.”
After a spring indoors, leisure-seeking
Americans with the means to do so are sud-
denly — if tentatively — on the move. Some
are patronizing restaurants or bars, even
crossing state lines to do so (and not with-out repercussion in various areas).
Others, longing for a change of scenery,
are renting houses at beaches and lakes or
taking day trips to frolic in nature. Even
those uncomfortable leaving home are
meeting family and friends for barbecues,
play dates and picnics.
In early June Thomas E. Pierce, 34, the
chief executive of a media and public rela-
tions consultancy who lives in the meat-
packing district of Manhattan, put on a
mask and took the train for a day trip to
Greenwich, Conn.
“We were on my friend’s rooftop, and we
literally played a Saint-Tropez playlist,
popped champagne and danced on the ta-
ble,” he said. “We went to a restaurant to sit
on the water, and we had a four-hour dinner.
We ordered everything: octopus, steak and
dessert, appetizers, tuna tartare. We went
for it.”
It was his first outing since the pandemic,
a worthy reason to celebrate. “It was so sur-
real just being at a restaurant,” he said. “Ev-
eryone kept looking at each other like,‘Look at us dining out.’ ”
But even as Mr. Pierce was letting loose,
he had to hold back. “I enjoyed a few glasses
of champagne, but I definitely wasn’t get-
ting intoxicated,” he said. “I had to stay re-
sponsible, and it’s hard when you are con-
suming alcohol.”
Next came a trip to Fire Island. “But only
with two friends who have been social dis-
tancing,” he said. “Before I spend a week-
end with someone, or any time at all, I ask
them if they’ve been responsible.”
Mr. Pierce worked out a reliable way to
probe. “I say, ‘Has it been hard for you?’ ” he
explained. “Then they tell you what they’ve
been doing, if they’ve been home alone or
what.”
But what if they’re lying?
Rafael Agustin, 39, a TV writer in Los An-
geles, said he has broken his quarantine
only twice. “Once to see the girl I thought I
was dating, and then once to see the girl I
now hope to be dating,” he said. With both of
them, he had a rule: They must be mask
wearers. There were a few ways to makeSummer Is Quarancheating Season
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1More people see
less reason to
continue as they
were before.