The New York Times - USA (2020-06-28)

THE NEW YORK TIMES, SUNDAY, JUNE 28, 2020 ST 11

Emily Abigail Waife

summoned up a bit of

chutzpah in 2013,

after talking it over

with friends. She wanted to tell
Eli Michael Kaufman she had

feelings for him.
“I always thought he was funny

and I loved his passion for Juda-
ism,” said Ms. Waife, a paternal

great-great granddaughter of
Sholem Aleichem, the Yiddish

author and playwright best
known for his stories of “Tevye

the Dairyman,” the inspiration for
the Broadway musical “Fiddler

on the Roof.”
She had joined the on-campus

Jewish organization Hillel, of
which Mr. Kaufman was presi-

dent, after she first got to
Goucher College, from which they

each graduated, she cum laude.
“He was that guy everyone knew

on campus.”
He was clueless as her feelings

for him grew during spring se-
mester of freshman year after she

joined the Hillel board and regu-
larly teamed up with him after

Shabbat dinners to play the board
game Settlers of Catan.

Her bold move blindsided him

after spring break. After giving
him the cold shoulder for days,

she sent him a text saying she
needed to speak to him, and then

hurried over to his library study
room to profess her feelings.

“I never thought of Emily in
that way,” he said. “She told me

she likes me,” and then he re-
called replying: “ ‘Oh, OK. I have

to think about it for a second.”
She described it as “a stressful,

very long week.” He avoided her
on campus, and did not have an

answer when she inquired after
their next game of Settlers the

following Friday, but 24 hours
later, after another game, as they

walked back to their dorms he
answered her with a kiss.

Two weeks later, he took her on
a mystery date off-campus — a

picnic on Federal Hill in Balti-
more — and they made their

dating official that evening by
telling their parents.

The couple, both 27, now live in

Chicago where Mr. Kaufman is a

sales manager at Packback, a

start-up company that promotes

student engagement and critical

thinking. Ms. Waife, who will be

taking the groom’s name, is the

administrative assistant at Chi-

cago Sinai Congregation.

In March 2019, Mr. Kaufman

proposed while Ms. Waife was

visiting a friend in Charlotte, N.C.

She thought he was still in Chi-

cago working on a presentation.

Just after she took a photograph

of her friend and her friend’s

fiancé at a fountain in Freedom

Park, Ms. Waife turned around

and saw Mr. Kaufman standing

there. “Is this real, are you here?”

Ms. Waife said, and after he said a

few words, he got down on one

knee. He further surprised her by

inviting their parents — his from

Toledo, Ohio, and hers from Need-

ham, Mass. — as well as her

sister in Chapel Hill and her

boyfriend, and his brother from

Chicago to celebrate at an Italian

restaurant.

The couple planned to get

married May 24 at Hotel Allegro

in Chicago, expecting 200 guests,

before the coronavirus outbreak.

Instead, Cantor Jamie Gloth,

remotely, and Rabbi David M.

Russo, in-person, conducted a

religious ceremony outside Anshe

Emet synagogue on that date

with 177 screens, probably about

350 guests, tuning in via Zoom.

On June 25 — the first date

they could get a marriage certifi-

cate from Cook County in Illinois

— they were legally married at

their apartment. Cantor Gloth

officiated, again remotely.

ROSALIE R. RADOMSKY

Emily Waife,

Eli Kaufman

..............................................................................................................................................

A Little Chutzpah Goes a Long Way

LISA HUFFORD PHOTOGRAPHY

wind, birds and other people.”
Amy Shey Jacobs, the founder and cre-
ative director of Chandelier Events in
New York, recently started a new divi-
sion of her company called Don’t Let the
Day Go By, which merges virtual events
with real life experiences. “You can now
drop ship beautiful flowers from the na-
tion’s best florists right to your living
room, have virtual photo booths, send
wedding cake to all of your guests, and
dance your first dance with live musi-
cians,” she said. “It is certainly not one
that will replace the dream weddings we
are planning for our couples. But for the
couple who wants to say I do now and cel-
ebrate later — this can be a truly special
way to do it.”

Small Is the New Big

Intimate and cozy is how wedding ex-
perts are describing upcoming events.
This, too, has an upside. With a smaller
event, couples won’t feel bad about
splurging on a more expensive meal, top-
shelf liquor or entertainment.
The guest list will also be meticulously
curated. “Quarantine made a lot of peo-
ple realize how much they want to be
around certain people in their lives and
how much they appreciate time away
from home,” Ms. Rogers said. “I see an
increase in destination weddings and
many activities planned together. I still
think the details are going to matter to a
lot of people. It may not be a big dance
party, but there will be a reception and
something happening.”

Bye Bye Buffets

Ms. Edmonds is bidding farewell to the
buffet dinner and focusing on plated
meals. She also expects to eliminate hors
d’oeuvres, or, at least change the kinds
she serves. “Maybe individual plates
with a few hors d’oeuvres, maybe a cou-
ple of bite-size hors d’oeuvres mixed with
prosciutto, tomatoes and basil and a
cocktail fork so you’re not dipping,” she
said. She’s also adding hand-sanitizing
stations with a timed 20-second jingle.

Multiple Celebrations

Taking a cue from Justin and Hailey Bie-
ber, Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner, and
Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra, many
couples will have multipart, or sequel
weddings, where they make appear-

ances at several smaller events, either

“in different hometowns or even elabo-

rate dinner parties with different sets of

friends and family,” said Sara Fried, the

owner of Fête Nashville Luxury Wed-

dings.

Another iteration is the so-called shift

wedding, in which guests show up at

staggered times. This gives the venue

time to sanitize the space between

groups, and also lets the couple spend

more time with guests.

Costume Changes

Smaller gatherings don’t mean that peo-

ple will arrive in a T-shirt and jeans.

“Without the grand event, the dress,

and the bridal party’s looks, will be the

primary means of self-expression,” said

Neil Brown, the chief executive of Am-

sale, a luxury bridal house. “Brides will

focus even more on styles that are a true

representation of their tastes and per-

sonality and lean toward looks that ac-

centuate their natural beauty.”

To that end, Mr. Brown believes that

bridal dress shopping will evolve, too.

“Social distancing requirements will

mean retailers can offer fewer appoint-

ments and, with safety in mind, prospec-

tive brides will likely minimize the num-

ber of stores they visit,” he said. “Virtual

shopping appointments will become

more prominent, either to help brides

prepare for their in-person appointment

and narrow the choice or retailers, or to

include the friends and relatives unable

to attend because of travel or social-dis-

tancing restrictions.”

Big Bashes Will Be Back

The big, boozy, party-till-the-cows-come-

home will return — eventually. And

when it does, it will be grander than ever.

“Eventually we will get back to busi-

ness when crowds of up to 100 are al-

lowed, but we will still have to be ex-

tremely inventive about seating, crowd

control, food and beverage service and

which staff is absolutely essential to the

event,” Ms. Fried said.

Mr. Brown of Amsale sees a return to

big celebrations after the pandemic has

ended. “While some couples may eschew

conspicuous celebration out of respect

for the suffering caused by the pan-

demic, others may go bigger than be-

fore,” he said. “As we saw after the 1918

Spanish flu pandemic, there may be an-

other Roaring ’20s era. Either way, wed-

dings will have a strong focus on family

and valued friendships; the lockdown

has truly elevated the meaning of con-

nections to those we love most.”

But the party may be separate from

the actual wedding.

“There will absolutely still be a big

boozy party, but it will be separate from

the wedding,” said Caroline Creiden-

burg, the chief executive of Wedfuly, an a

Denver-based online wedding planning

company. “It’ll remove the wedding

pressure from the fun party. Maybe it’ll

be an anniversary party when the time is

right or maybe it’ll be a post-wedding

party. Whatever it is, it will be a fun

dance-filled evening with the pressure of

getting married removed from it.”

Future of Weddings: Less Kissing and More Purell

Big events giving way

to more intimate

gatherings.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY CECI BOWMAN

FIELD NOTES

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10

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